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aint no thing
see ya soon kiddo

[He promptly hauls himself up from wherever he was lounging and heads to the kitchen, gathering materials from one cabinet or another. It won't take her long from Hill House, and he can at least get it looking nice as he listens for the door.]

[And sure enough, there she is soon enough.

...With about the saddest knock anyone has ever heard, yeesh. Her mood is definitely not one that's being exaggerated is it.

Opening the door will show that she's at least trying not to look miserable, but she's not doing the best job of it either unfortunately.]

[Oh buddy. Taako will open it with little fanfare, look at her, and then just sigh and shake his head.]

Aw, buddy, now that won't-- that won't do.

[And without asking, he will just reach down, pick her up, and put her on his back like a piggyback ride. Snakey back? Who knows or cares. He'll take her into the kitchen though, either way.]

You wanna talk about it or you wanna eat cookie dough until you puke?

[And Reira, limply enough, will just cling along for the ride with a sniffle.]

...C'n I do both without the puking..? [She says after a moment, staring at the ground as best she can.] ...I don't wanna puke...

...

...I don't really wanna talk either but things feel better after that happens so...

[So, lesser of two evils probably.]

Ooh, that's a complicated one babe. Luckily for you, I'm a professional, so yeah, we can uhhh, we can make that happen.

[He'll lift her off him once they arrive and on to a stool. In front of her on the counter are all the materials necessary- bags of flour, sugar, chocolate chips, mixing bowls, measuring cups and spoons. There's even a baking sheet or two in case they actually decide to bake any, but like, he thinks he'll probably just eat it.]

You can start with the dry stuff in that big ol' bowl if ya want, or you can just dish, I'm not picky.

[Mutely, she's taking that bowl and grabbing some measuring cups. 'Just mix it', it is. Just gotta get to mixing!] Thanks, [the goblin says quietly, saying little else from there until most of the dry ingredients are together in a powdered mess.]

...everyone keeps acting...surprised... [she eventually says- perhaps out of nowhere, if Taako kept quiet himself.]

[Taako? Quiet? Please. He'll keep chattering to himself, letting her know the measurements, but he isn't policing her. That's the good thing about cookies. It's just a lotta bullshit in a bowl. He's got the eggs and vanilla on his end when she pipes up though, and he leans back on the counter, idly stirring while he looks at her.]

At what, pumpkin?

....About the Fog. ....all the stuff outside of here, [she mutters, voice quiet.]

[He sighs, because... yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah.]

Yeah, it's... kinda a big ol' booger, right? This place is bogus, it's right in front of you, how, how have you not seen that?

[He's not very good at the Big Feelings, but he will for her.]

Seems like you're takin' this a lot on you though.

[It is indeed. Reira pauses in what she's doing, shaking somewhat.]

...How can anyone just forget that much, that someone...

...She was always that mean..! It's not just about what always happens here..! But it's not even just some people who are surprised it was like that outside...everyone keeps...going, and going...

...as if she was never just...

[Yeah, okay, time to try and get through this. He puts down the bowl he's stirring as he rounds the counter, gently putting his arms over her shoulders so she can lean back against him if she wants.]

People like that, when you got a lotta power, you just... forget the small stuff. 'Mm not sayin' it's good, 'ss just how it is, but like... those people won't ever be really lookin' out for you. Everything's just too fuckin' big.

[It's how he felt about Merle and John, too. He was too big. Too much. At least when Taako has power he doesn't pretend to care about everyone who likes him, even if his actions say otherwise.]

She just keeps goin', because she has to. It's not kind. Never gonna be. And anyone who thinks that is a big idiot.

....So then why are they surprised..?

[That's what she's stuck on, it seems.] ...They keep arguing about it. About how it's nothing they expected...about how it 'can't be'...

...If it was just...one person, or two people... ...but instead...

Because they don't want it, sweetie.

[It's hard to explain that some people haven't seen what they've seen. He's over two hundred and she's what, fifteen, and yet he knows she's seen as much as he has by this point. It's the problem of being impossibly old and improbably young all at once.]

Look, when... when you haven't like, gone through shit, you think you know how bad the world gets. And then something happens and you gotta realize that it's worse than you thought like, anybody could do? And they get surprised, and it sucks, because you're soooo past all that level 1 shit, right?

[Ugh. He's right, but she wishes he wasn't right all the same. If Reira wasn't busy mixing ingredients in a bowl, she'd plant her chin on the table in a hopeless slump immediately. Instead, fueled at least a little by frustration more than misery, she's able to bring herself into a pout- tilting her head up to look to Taako with a quiet frown that says yes, super past it, this is the WORST.]

It'd feel at least a little better if anyone thought about doing stuff instead of shouting at each other on the network...

[Fortunately by now, Taako probably knows that 'doing' doesn't mean something stupid, like joining a god. ...It just means, y'know. Doing something.

(Maybe with fact checking first though. That Pearl deal wasn't even supposed to be anything big, and look where that went.)]

[Okay, in his defense, the pearl was supposed to just be a pearl. There was no good reason to believe it was some kind of god blocking the world’s most important storm drain. He never admits he’s wrong normally, but this time he is confident that just happened to be the universe dunking on him specifically.

Regardless, he goes back to stirring the wet ingredients, making sure the vanilla and eggs are measured right.]

Yeeeeah, that’s the hard part about being better than them. You’re like, well this is dumb as hell, you guys could be like, thinkin’ of ways to make it better? And they’re not. But you, you’re here making cookies, which makes everything better automatically.

[He gives her a wink, trying to lighten the mood just a bit.]

[Well.

.............that is true. Actually it was a big part of why she'd messaged to begin with. Because they can't fix idiots. And, well.]

............Making cookies is better than being stupid...

[There's no bigger truth, really.]

See? You got it. This is why it's so hard being cool and smart, because you can really see how dumb everybody else gets.

[He reaches over to ruffle her hair a little. See, kiddo? You're doing Fine.]

If more people could just like, sit down and hang the fuck out instead of eating each other on Fantasy Twitter? Everything would be waaaaaaay more smooth.

Mnnnhhhhh....

[She's doing great! ...Yeah. Evidence can be seen in the way she groans, leans her head back, and replies with-] We're gonna run out of baking stuff because of how much that happens though....

[Also they'll have too many cookies but she refuses to acknowledge that as a problem.]

[Taako just snorts once, a bit affectionate.]

Oh no, too many cookies. Cookie mountain. It's almost like that's the actual opposite of a problem, actually? And y'know, these ingredients also make cake, and pie, and rolls, and...

[He starts counting off on his fingers as he goes as if daring her to stop him and kind of knowing she won't, but he'll keep naming pastries even if they start sounding fake. Hell, some of them might be fake. It's hard to say.]

How are we gonna eat them all! How are all of those even real..!

Are all of those even real..!!

[Who knows. It's a mystery.]

[Once she hits a certain level of Sounding Distressed he'll burst into giggles, giving her a big ol' grin. Once he stops he'll reach over to get the dry ingredients from her and fold them into the wet ones he has with expert care.]

They can be real if you make 'em! Some names mean things and some just uhhh, don't. You can make a new thing and name it whatever you want, power's yours.

[He stirs the bowl a bit more and then sets it down between them.]

So you wanna actually bake these, or just tear ass into 'em now?

Hmmmmnnn...I guess that's true...

[He gets away with it THIS TIME. This time. Reira pauses, and blinks though, turning to stare at the cookie dough.

Hmmmmm....]

...The best stuff to eat first is chocolate chip...

[This is truly a coin-toss situation.]

[Taako's grin only grows when she tells him he's right, because that's his favorite thing to hear ever. Either or, he gives her a few moments of indecision before producing a spoon, scooping up some dough, and stuffing it into her mouth.]

Time's up, I win.

[He just takes some with his fucking hands, like an animal.]

I think we've, uhhh, eaten worse shit than raw eggs at this point.

AUUUUUUH- [There is a loud, comical gasp at the sight, but that's about as far as she gets before, with a muffled 'HRRRFH-' it's crammed in her mouth. It takes a number of moments to actually chew through it enough to swallow, at least so that she has a clear throat.] MRhfmnrf-

Are raw eggs even bad..!!

Shhhh, shhh, nothing can hurt us, we're perfect forever.

[Monsters are built to eat raw meat and shit, salmonella shouldn't even be on the radar. Also, he doesn't care, so.]

C'mon, dig in kiddo, forget your trouble and embrace the sugar.

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brain: 'y'all need to shut up bakesale'

ok but honestly, taako would do it

we need this now....

merry christmas everyone shove a cookie in your mouth and shut it

hormfhormfhormf

honhonhonhonhon

Huohuohuohuoh-

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ties this off like awwww

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, TAAKO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 420.87.169.02 * coolertwin has joined 420.87.169.02 <coolertwin> wait <coolertwin> waaaaait <coolertwin> waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait <coolertwin>** made ya look lol