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HAHAHAHA HOT FUCK
alright alright alright alright
ok im gonna send u a shopping list and you meet me with it at your place at 9
we will have shit for lunch

[He proceeds to send an image, titled 'thisisgonnabeballer', that seems to be a picture of a handwritten list. It's a few fairly normal things- almond flour, powdered sugar, eggs. And a couple things that look like it makes absolutely no sense to be in the same category, like rose water, elderflowers, and a mortar and pestle. He follows it up quickly with.]

tell me stand mixers exist here
or at least hand mixers
and that you have one

okay number one
two drink minimum per ass
youre a physicist the least you could do is get ratios right
number two
i get to screen my dudes!!!!!!
unless you forgot im on his payroll too
i can get money from him without this

also number three jack buys me jewelry and has a vibrator dick okay what does he bring to the table

Interesting...
I can certainly take care of all of this with my abilities, but I can't say I've ever heard of using them in baking.
My interest has been piqued.

[... Elsa's starting to realize she may have dumped herself into a whole mess of trouble, but you know what. Maybe that's what she needs without Anna here. She's kind of been cooped up for too long, outside of work and helping on the farm.]

Oh, I have one of those stand ones!
Such things didn't exist in my world, so I can't even begin to say how much of a lifesaver it is.
Honestly, if there was a way for it to work back in Arendelle, I'd absolutely try to find a way to take it with me if I'm ever sent home.

Same.

(She could tell him. She should tell him. Lucretia closes her eyes tight for a moment and lets the words well up on her tongue, the entire explanation waiting, jammed up behind her closed mouth...

and then she sighs, and opens them again. It's... not the right time. He won't be able to keep it from Lup. There are so many reasons as to why she can't say anything right now, and, well, she's just going to keep telling herself that.)

I know that Lup is convinced, but this is nothing like a cycle.

[Elsa, this isn't even on the trouble scale for Taako. You want trouble, start selling weed brownies and watch them build an empire. Hell, that would still be fairly basic for the elf.]

oh thank fuck
if you were about to tell me i had to hand whip merengue i was gonna die
oh and do you have one of those little spiral motherfuckers that gets the egg white out of the yolk
its fine if you dont i just usually do it with magic before SOME ASSHOLE decided to make my life COMPLICATED and reduce me to TWO HANDS
but thats not on you or at least it better not be

ok like tmi hun can we not talk abt ur boytoys robo dick
i love u but ur such a fucking mess
first monster u meet with a vibrating dong and ur so totally stuck on em

and look egons just lonely
i dont want u to hook up with him permanently like yuck
hes our boss and like def in love w his bf or whatevs
but the guys lonely as fuck
u dont even have to suck his dick ok
just get a few drinks and get him to stop moping so damn much
shower some of the ol taako charm on him

[Of course he couldn't. The worst part here is that he would believe her if she said it, and that's good and bad. Good, because there would be some buffer before he experiences it, before the betrayal hits him in reality. And bad because the terror of going back to that- of knowing it's coming- is worse than what's being done to him here.

But that's a problem for Future Taako. Right now, he's just concerned with getting back and bringing Lup with him. He'll be home and she'll be right by his side- fixes both his problems.]

Too much just doesn't match. I could maybe believe it for a few things, but it's just...

[He shakes his head.]

It's too fucked. Too much is wrong. Especially with us, like... I know we were supposed to be here before, but that's never happened in a cycle ever. Every single one starts on the deck of the ship, that's like, the first rule.

[Taako reaches up, tucking some hair behind one of his pointed, scaled ears. His voice drops a bit lower, hints of nervousness creeping in.]

She probably just doesn't wanna face that we don't know how to get outta this one.

[Look, when you go into hibernation for two months, you tend to miss a few important things — like the burning of half of Bavan, a bunch of people getting kidnapped by weird parasites and being replaced by them and then throwing a huge weird party, your partner-not-partner-it's-complicated disappearing into the night like you did to him more than a year ago and leaving you grasping for something that's just slipped through your fingers again. It's enough to make a guy feel like just going back to sleep again and hoping that somehow sleep will make everything feel better. That you can isolate yourself and skip over the passing of time and let other people bury what needs to be buried.

At least, that's what the old Juno would have done. As much as he's reluctant to admit it, Juno knows that being alone will just lead to him getting worse and snapping at other people, which is exactly the opposite of what he wants. Right now, all he needs is someone to hang out with without needing to feel obligated to tell them all his problems and just ignore that feeling of despair creeping up on the edges of his chest.

A few drinks might help, too.]

hey
you doing alright?
you still up for drinks?

[Yeah. Nailed it. Totally aloof and not desperate for company right now.]

who else do you know that has a vibrator dick and lets you get it on the regular for free because its not barry im certain of that

look
just tell me this
are you asking me do this because you dont wanna do it yourself
or because hes gay and therefore you need my championship cock skills

you made me say this but
horse dick > vibrator dick
and thats just fact

wait
wait
that shits detachable right
can u just like
stick it in ur pocket and steal his dick????
can u flat out walk away with his cock in ur hand
pls taako
i need to know this immediately
for science

and look cant it be both???
like
i dont wanna do it myself PLUS hes ultra gay
these tits are dope af but i doubt itd do much for him

you do realize i could outfit him with a horse vibrator dick right
i have options
i am not constrained, lup

also i think its welded on there but im honestly not sure??
okay new pact im going to take it
but obviously not now
right now is about egons cock which I GUESS i will suck at your request
or idk he can get down on this thats the one unfortunate thing about jack he has no fucking face
but gosh
fine
im so generous

honey
barry was a slime for a whole damn month
he had like ten different dicks coming out of his body at the same time ok
i had the whole world in the palm of my hand already
and horse dick is just that damn good
try me w ur weak ass plays binch

also ur my absolute favorite brother have i ever told u that
please steal jacks cock and bring it directly to me
we gotta do shit to it
see if he still feels it
idk phantom dick pain???? fuck i gotta know
if i set it on fire do u think the rest of him will heat up??????
fUCK
TAAKO i need to know!!!!!!!

also u so are babe
thanks for sucking dick for ur sister <3

[Man, if all that ain't a goddamn mood. Pretty much all of February was a ride Taako would have liked to get off of the entire experience- from the angry sick few days at the end of January, to the pained weekend of his second month transformation coupled with the icebox of the hospital, Lup and Lucretia disappearing for a fucking week... he has not been doing so great, fam. He's been sticking close, weathering his first hunt, and taking it better than you would imagine. Killing people right now is actually easier than handling his issues.

But the texts are the opposite of unwelcome- this kind of harmless, stupid fun sounds ideal in a world that still feels like shit. Thankfully, Taako's texting speed has improved between learning how and then growing claws, so Juno doesn't have to wait long for a response.]

and here i thought you mightve forgotten
love a guy who remembers he owes me ;)
gimme the where and when my dude

[See? This is exactly the sort of mindless attachment Juno signed up for. Just going out for a drink or two or three, avoiding touchy topics, doing dumb shit. He does have to think a little about the date, though.]

well the fog'll probably tide over by the end of the week, and if i remember correctly you mentioned something about wanting to see my regular face

also i'd like to maybe spend a few days feeling like myself after spending two months sleeping like a goddamn fur rug

so.....friday? 12 o' clock? lucky 38?

[he doesn't work there anymore but it's fine, he's got more than enough money to burn. turns out a lot of rich bavanites'll dish out a lot of money to find out what happened to their missing loved ones, confirm whether or not they've been eaten by monsters]

Edited (FUCK I FORGOT WERERACCOONS TURN AT NIGHT) 2019-03-09 20:17 (UTC)

Exactly. I thought that she would understand that, but...

(Well, she sort of gets it. So many things are abnormal in this cycle it's probably easy enough to write off the rules as you go along. So they didn't all start the cycle at the same time. Lup turned into a snake, this isn't exactly standard practice.

Her gaze snaps to the small of his back when that uncertainty creeps into his tone. She hates knowing he's worrying about this, but what can she say to that? She's worrying, too. Always. It's difficult not to.)

Maybe.

(She sits up, and gently leans into his space, just to nudge their shoulders together. Her gaze remains on her hands in her lap.) But we don't have all the information and there's four of us here, now. Maybe the others will come through in a few months. There's strength in numbers, Taako, we'll figure it out. I know we will.

ok thats it im vetoing this discussion
if i think of barry with 10 dicks im going to laugh so hard i barf up my heart
and like all of dinner

but now that im suddenly your favorite brother
lets be real id do this even if i wasnt now i just NEED it
tho i dont think he feels stuff if its detached its some like
robot whatever
i truly dont care im doing it anyway
this is dickheist 2kwhatever

oh so were daydrinking
yeah i have nothing else to do that day lets get fucked up at noon and forgo responsibilities

[He has like two jobs, he just finds this more important than either of them. Because he's like that and fuck this, he needs this right now.]

dress yourself up real nice for me hm ;)

[His gaze slides towards where their shoulders touch, letting his hand drop from his face. Despite everything, he still doesn't always know how to act when someone's treating him gently, being kind when they don't need to be even when it's his family. But Taako closes his eyes for a second, shrugs with a little snort of a sigh.]

Is it really better if they turn up? I mean look, Magnus would probably turn half dog like immediately and be jazzed as hell, and seeing as plant people are walking around I feel like we got Merle pegged as hell. But like...

[He's idly sort of trying to pick at the scales on his legs, claws not always able to find individual scale but occasionally hooking under before he gives up. It hurts when he pulls, and he knows it's pointless.]

The shit we do to survive, y'know? And here I was dumb enough to think it was over.

buddy, daydrinking is the only option if you want to see my beautiful human face

i'll see you then

[Juno makes sure to get there a little earlier to scope out the place, make sure there's room at the bar. Not that there is that many people there on a lovely Friday afternoon, but, hey, can't hurt to be cautious and maybe a little apprehensive about the fact the last time he went on a "date" the person ended up just yeeting themselves out of the peninsula, never to be seen again.

As for his outfit, he's refrained from bringing the smelly trench coat and opted for something a little nicer: a dark blue collared jacket that falls just below his knees. He's still wearing his regular sweater and jeans underneath, but at least they're clean and not covered in fur.

He seems somewhat distracted, hovering sort of near the bar but not close enough to look like he's actually intending on ordering anything. He might need a little nudge to catch his attention, especially since...Taako looks way different from the last time he saw him.]

oh i dont need an excuse
see you <3

[To be completely fair, both of them don't look the same as when they last met, on account of the fact Taako hadn't begun changing and Juno was a little raccoon under his hat. But nowadays, Taako is impossible to miss- he almost has to bow his head to make it in when he pushes the door open, long scaled ears scraping just slightly across the top of the doorframe. He's actually got the decency to have put on a proper shirt, a cold shoulder purple number trimmed to land just above where his skin gives way to glittering iridescent scale. Where the bottom layer is a pale blue, purple and rainbow lays on top like a sheen in the daylight, sparking as he enters. For an entrance that didn't involve any magic, he's certainly making a hell of an impression.

His eyes drift over the room, trying to pick out Juno, and just makes a guess as he slithers inside and casually takes up about three seats at the bar as he tries to get a look at Juno's face.]

You the man I'm looking for?

u get me on a spiritual level baby brother
connected forever by total bullshit

and i mean only way to find out is to just do it
so chop chop get to it with the robo dong stealing!!!!
we can add it to our trophy collection

Edited 2019-03-16 05:21 (UTC)

[Juno gives Taako the once-over, tilting his head to the side. A ghost of a smile can be seen on his face. He wouldn't care to admit it, but...he's glad to actually see someone he can probably rely on after waking up from hibernation hell and realizing that half of his friends disappeared or died.

...And he has to admit the outfit looks pretty good.]

If by "man" you mean "crazy raccoon", then maybe. [He pauses, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets.] You look...different. Wait, wait--let me guess--

[He holds up a hand, looking Taako over again and tapping a finger against his chin. His eyes linger on Taako's new tail. After a dramatic pause:]

You got a new haircut.

(Lucretia sighs, and kneads her knuckles into her forehead slowly.) Please don't say 'pegged' and 'Merle' and 'plants' in the same sentence.

(But it's too late, and Taako isn't looking at her. He's gently picking at the scales on his leg and she knows that he's nervous. She can read him, now. They've been together for a century, even if he doesn't know that yet. She settles down, puffing out her cheeks and then exhaling slowly.)

You're not dumb, Taako.

(She nudges her shoulder gently against his for a second time.) You're just hopeful, that's all. There's nothing wrong with that.

baby brother
sure
but im the one pulling off all the sweet heists around here
i see how it is ;)
sounds like im the older sibling now

[Everything looks good when it's on Taako, trade secret. He also insisted that Barry bring him out here today so he didn't end up freezing as hell and wanting a nap by the time he arrived; this cold blooded thing is starting to kick his ass. But without having to drag himself through the snow, he's doing well enough to be alert and ready to party.

Taako sets himself up, putting his elbow on the bartop to support his head, face stretched into a grin and a laugh when Juno puts out his one-liner.]

Oh, and he has jokes! Multitalented, all right, all right.

[He wraps a bit of his tail around the bottom of the stool Juno's on, for no other reason than he's obnoxious and wants to take up as much of the other man's space as possible.]

But please, cut these gorg locks? This ain't no monster thing, this is one hundo percent natural Taako, my dude. Likin' your whole look without all the fuzz, too. Though...

[He reaches forward with his claws, poking a bit at Juno's hair, surprisingly gentle.]

Guess you're still fluffy through and though, huh?

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<juno> 3/5 NOW THAT MY BRAIN IS SLIGHTLY LESS FEVER ADDLED

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<coolertwin> YEAH PLEASE BE LESS DEAD

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, TAAKO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 420.87.169.02 * coolertwin has joined 420.87.169.02 <coolertwin> wait <coolertwin> waaaaait <coolertwin> waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait <coolertwin>** made ya look lol