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Same.

(She could tell him. She should tell him. Lucretia closes her eyes tight for a moment and lets the words well up on her tongue, the entire explanation waiting, jammed up behind her closed mouth...

and then she sighs, and opens them again. It's... not the right time. He won't be able to keep it from Lup. There are so many reasons as to why she can't say anything right now, and, well, she's just going to keep telling herself that.)

I know that Lup is convinced, but this is nothing like a cycle.

[Of course he couldn't. The worst part here is that he would believe her if she said it, and that's good and bad. Good, because there would be some buffer before he experiences it, before the betrayal hits him in reality. And bad because the terror of going back to that- of knowing it's coming- is worse than what's being done to him here.

But that's a problem for Future Taako. Right now, he's just concerned with getting back and bringing Lup with him. He'll be home and she'll be right by his side- fixes both his problems.]

Too much just doesn't match. I could maybe believe it for a few things, but it's just...

[He shakes his head.]

It's too fucked. Too much is wrong. Especially with us, like... I know we were supposed to be here before, but that's never happened in a cycle ever. Every single one starts on the deck of the ship, that's like, the first rule.

[Taako reaches up, tucking some hair behind one of his pointed, scaled ears. His voice drops a bit lower, hints of nervousness creeping in.]

She probably just doesn't wanna face that we don't know how to get outta this one.

Exactly. I thought that she would understand that, but...

(Well, she sort of gets it. So many things are abnormal in this cycle it's probably easy enough to write off the rules as you go along. So they didn't all start the cycle at the same time. Lup turned into a snake, this isn't exactly standard practice.

Her gaze snaps to the small of his back when that uncertainty creeps into his tone. She hates knowing he's worrying about this, but what can she say to that? She's worrying, too. Always. It's difficult not to.)

Maybe.

(She sits up, and gently leans into his space, just to nudge their shoulders together. Her gaze remains on her hands in her lap.) But we don't have all the information and there's four of us here, now. Maybe the others will come through in a few months. There's strength in numbers, Taako, we'll figure it out. I know we will.

[His gaze slides towards where their shoulders touch, letting his hand drop from his face. Despite everything, he still doesn't always know how to act when someone's treating him gently, being kind when they don't need to be even when it's his family. But Taako closes his eyes for a second, shrugs with a little snort of a sigh.]

Is it really better if they turn up? I mean look, Magnus would probably turn half dog like immediately and be jazzed as hell, and seeing as plant people are walking around I feel like we got Merle pegged as hell. But like...

[He's idly sort of trying to pick at the scales on his legs, claws not always able to find individual scale but occasionally hooking under before he gives up. It hurts when he pulls, and he knows it's pointless.]

The shit we do to survive, y'know? And here I was dumb enough to think it was over.

(Lucretia sighs, and kneads her knuckles into her forehead slowly.) Please don't say 'pegged' and 'Merle' and 'plants' in the same sentence.

(But it's too late, and Taako isn't looking at her. He's gently picking at the scales on his leg and she knows that he's nervous. She can read him, now. They've been together for a century, even if he doesn't know that yet. She settles down, puffing out her cheeks and then exhaling slowly.)

You're not dumb, Taako.

(She nudges her shoulder gently against his for a second time.) You're just hopeful, that's all. There's nothing wrong with that.

Everything wrong with it.

[He only mumbles that response, but maybe that's the worst part. It's always more dire when he stops caring. He feels stupid for ever once thinking the relics could work, thinking they had a chance for some kind of peace. This is why he gets hurt. When he cares.]

Look, I just-- me, of all people, I should fuckin' know better right? It's stupid and it doesn't matter, we lived through everything else and I used to turn into snakes for fun, I don't have shit to complain about.

[At least he's not alone. He can do anything when he's not alone.]

You're the one who lost sleeping, I mean, what a bunk deal. And I gained it. Yartz.

(She can tell what he's doing, trying to redirect the conversation away from expressing any actual emotion. It's hard to tell whether it's better to let him continue down that fork or try to direct him back to the main road. Lup would know. Lucretia decides to relent.)

Look, from my point of view I have more time in my day to write, and you have more time to be lazy. And nobody can comment on you taking time out of your day to sleep, that's something you just have to do now. So I think that it works out in a strange kind of way?

(She sighs, and her tail lifts, and touches the back of his knee very gently. A little brush.) In all seriousness, though. We've never been through anything like this before, Taako. This isn't polymorph, it's new and... weird, and it's only the beginning. You can't know better, neither of us can. So you don't have to worry about that. Complain all you like, gods know I've been.

[That's the nice thing that Lucretia gives him sometimes. There's a time for him to be denying himself where he needs to suck up and accept something for goddamn once, and then there's time where he's just giving himself shit in an already stressful situation. It's hard to say which one this is, but considering they're both anxious, it's probably better they don't push themselves further than they need to go.

There will be time to address Taako's encroaching nihilism, but it's not necessary to do it right now, not with so much looming on the horizon.]

So basically, all I have to do is whine and sleep and I'm getting my due? Could be worse in that case.

[He shifts his fingers from picking at the scales to shift through the fluff at the end of her tail with his claws, like one might mess with the hair of a stuffed animal. He's not pulling, just... feeling. Something to interact with while he speaks, something to remind him that he has a body and it's his despite whatever stupid god would say otherwise.]

I dunno. Whether it's really a cycle of not, can't keep us here forever. We're gonna make it out one way or another, just gotta... live that long. Or don't. Heard we get at least one freebie death around here.

Something like that.

(That's a funny feeling, his claws raking gently through the fur on her tail. The same feeling as somebody playing with your hair, perhaps. Lucretia shifts a little in place and watches him fiddle. It's fine, if it gives him something to ground himself with. She's noticed that the both of the twins seem to have problems with permanence these days.)

Maybe we should leave the freebie death for emergencies only. Save it for a rainy day, that kind of thing.

(Her expression softens a little when his attention remains on her tail.) We'll be fine, Taako. We've lived through worse than this.

[Permanence is a funny thing, when everything around you is changing. He spent a while feeling very, very unreal without Lup by his side. Even now with her back, in this space where he can't trust his body, doesn't quite sit right with hers...

Well, at least he has something he can touch. At least.]

Hey, you don't have to tell me twice, yeah? You're talking to the guy with a death count in the single digits for a century long death gauntlet. 'Mm only gonna need one if I really fuck up.

[Or if the pain of whatever's about to happen kills him, but like, let's hope it's Not That.]

You listen to yourself here too, yeah? Seein' as you're the one who came looking from comfort from me, y'know.

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, TAAKO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 420.87.169.02 * coolertwin has joined 420.87.169.02 <coolertwin> wait <coolertwin> waaaaait <coolertwin> waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait <coolertwin>** made ya look lol