[She climbs the rope ladder up to his bed effortlessly before she's plopping next to him, a hand moving to her twin's arm, that physical touch drawing the slightest sigh of relief from Lup. Whatever's happened, whoever she has to kill for hurting him, Taakos' here and that means everything.
They can make it through this together, as long as nothing separates them again.]
You look like shit.
[Lup doesn't pull any punches, so rarely ever does, even with him. But it's true and that's what worries her. Taako can make himself look refreshed and beautiful with a wave of his hand. What reason does he ever have to look like this unless something's happened?]
What happened? We can talk about my shit later, first I wanna know what's eatin' you. Talk to me, Koko.
[He reaches back when she touches him, putting a hand over hers for just a moment, rolling his eyes at her remarks but otherwise not snipping back. He's still tired, which feels like his standard nowadays, but more than that he's still mulling things over about what he said. What he did. How he can just be tossed around like that.]
Just, fuckin'-- lich crap. Be careful, might still be goin' around. Fear, I think, so y'know that went super well.
[He takes a breath, tries to flush out those coping mechanisms. It's her. It's her and he can be honest and he can relax.]
There was this... sickness going around, like, a literal illness, but if you got sick you ended up, uh, paranoid as hell? For a couple of days. I think they just made everyone sick instead of it spreading or whatever, I dunno, maybe this is fuckin' funny to them or something.
[Lich crap. There's no hiding the flash of anger across her face at those words, to realize that the very second she leaves her twin's side that the fucking liches of this place tried to pull their crap on him. She's going to burn all of them and their temples to the fucking ground. They can't keep getting away with this crap.
But Taako doesn't look broken, just exhausted, like he's momentarily just given up fighting. So Lup manages to keep from flying out of their room to set the whole city aflame, her attention shifting back to her brother. He needs her and she's not about to leave. Not again.]
Fear can go sit an' spin. Fuck him.
[Whatever Taako wants from her, Lup slips forward, squeezing her way up next to her twin on his bed before her arms wrap around his middle and drag him back down against the pillows with her. Forced cuddling time. Don't fight her, Taako. This is as much for Lup as it is for him.]
So what happened? You think Mags was after our spice stash?
[He won't stop her, not even a bit. Taako shifts so his shoulder doesn't take an eye out, leaves his arms with space to gesture, but immediately tangles their legs together. It's been days since someone could touch him and he didn't feel fear. He doesn't want to go back to that, like he was during those ten lonely years. Not ever.]
Yeah, he can fuck right off.
[He sighs, forcing himself to speak, knowing it'll make him feel better but every guarding aspect thinking this is the end of the world.]
No, it was fuckin'... it was stupid, I... I thought I was gonna forget again.
[Talk to her, talk to her, don't fall back into your bullshit, talk to her--]
I... I got scared that everyone was going to bring me back to the Voidfish or to Lucretia and that I was gonna go back to how I was. When I didn't remember you.
... And I might've thunderwaved Barry. Just a little. Shit.
[Never again. If their little jaunts out onto this planet without one another have taught the pair anything it was that the world fell apart when they weren't together. Lup has no plans on leaving Taako alone again. Ever.
Good luck dating while she's around.
Lup's long legs twine with his as her head hits the pillow, wrapping her twin up while he explains himself a little further. Whatever happened was bad enough to shake Taako, so she's here to hold him together until he feels strong enough to take back over.
Though there's no hiding the way her grip around the man tightens at the mention of him forgetting again. Forgetting her.]
Shit. That's fucked, 'Ko. [Her chin tips forward, face nuzzling affectionately into his hair, letting his familiar smell and warmth keep Lup steady.] But I'm tryin' to hit that, so can you keep your magic off that sweet denim-clad ass? It's been actual months since I've got laid. Don't do me dirty when I'm so close to the promised land.
[But even as she teases to try and lift the tense mood lingering so heavily in their room, one of Lup's hands finds Taako's, pressing her palm against his, curling their fingers together. Her voice drops to a whisper, words meant for only him.]
I'd never let that happen again, Taako. You know that. Lucretia isn't here and no one is ever gonna touch you. 'Specially not her. [Lup presses a quick kiss against his temple, falling into a brief silence, before she's pulling away just enough to angle herself so she can see his face. There's something there, twin intuition, that she can feel just beneath the surface, something more.]
[He's too tired to put up all the fronts he usually has, curling himself into her in every aspect, hands around hands and heads tucked close. He shakes a bit with laughter as she jokes, but doesn't really respond until she really talks to him, promises he desperately wants to be kept. But for once, the thing knocking around his head isn't that. Isn't the trauma, or the rehashing of pain, but something maybe more personal. Something he's never had to discuss.
Lup looks down at him, and he looks up at her, face still kind of blank.]
... Ugh, no, not really.
[He doesn't let go of her hands, but he does shift a bit so he can look at her point blank, even if his eyes look away and back as he speaks.]
So, I was kinda, kinda messed up right? And wouldn't you know, it, uh, it wasn't Barry who got me to stop, it was, uh... Krav? Kind of?
[His shoulders peek upward, neck pushing down like he's trying to crawl into his own torso.]
He just looked... like, like I threatened him at staffpoint and he just smiled. He was just happy to see me. Thought I was gone. He... he's the one who got me to stop. Brought me back to his place. I think I crashed for like fourteen fuckin' hours.
[Lup can probably feel, pressed so close, that his pulse is picking up. Could be fear. Could be something else. He tilts his head back to look at where his braided hair falls over his waist.]
He redid my hair while I was asleep. I fuckin'... threatened his life and he smiled.
Edited (i just realized i left a whole word out in here, huh) 2018-05-10 19:08 (UTC)
[It's taken Lup a lifetime to learn how to talk like this, to dig a little deeper into those softer emotions than she'd ever really like to. Even before, back when it was just her and Taako, it was always easier for the pair to seek out physical comfort while they made bad jokes or trash talked the rest of the world, hearts pressed up together but gazes cast downwards. And that had always worked just fine for them, to ignore their problems and just push forward, hands clasped.
And if Lup hadn't met Barry, she might have been content to keep doing just that. But Barry was sensitive and emotional and actually liked to talk. All things Lup had to learn to become more comfortable with once they got together. He may respect her stubborn streak in not wanting to talk about certain things, but it's gotten considerably easier for her over the years to open up. Especially now, after a dozen years apart, after a decade of having no one to speak to. Lup still feels starved for conversation.
So really, that's all the elven woman needs to hear from her brother for things to click right into place. She'd been there, what feels a lifetime before, but her slow, half-century long progression had inched along while Taako's seems to have just slammed into him out of nowhere. But she gets it.
Lup doesn't let go of him, but her eyes do trail over to following his gaze, where it falls upon his long braid, before she's meeting his eyes again.]
Fuck, hun. You're there, aren't you?
[Even if Taako hasn't told her, Lup knows how bad Kravitz has it for her brother. He's just like Barry, can't keep from looking their way without hearts in their eyes. Kravitz loves him. That's as obvious as anything.
But for all of her teasing and how much she knew Taako was into the man back, she's a little surprised he's hit the big L back so fast. Something flutters anxiously in her belly while she waits for his response.]
[This is as close to old times as they've had in a long time. Back then, they were never apart for long, never more than a few hours. But he's glad it doesn't feel strange returning to this, even after all this time. He doesn't feel strange returning to her. They've been reunited a lot during this last year, between dips out of the city to home and to not, to events they weathered alone, to waking up from nightmares and holding each other in the dark. But this feels the most familiar with her, to confront his most foreign thought.
His eyes dart away for a moment on reflex, biting his lip, hesitant. It's less about admitting it to her, and more about admitting it to himself, even though it's been knocking around in his head for months now.]
Look, not-- not everyone can be your forty seven year slowburn, alright.
[He mocks, but Taako has no doubt that if he had met Kravitz back on that mission, he wouldn't have been able to get this close this fast. It took them a long time to start trusting anyone on that ship, let alone coming to love them. But he's grown. They both have.
He doesn't know what this means for him, but something in him still aches. Taako forces himself to meet Lup's gaze again.]
I just... it's fucked up, right? That he still... he's seen so much shit and he still wants to stick around.
[If he says it, it makes it real, if he says it, it makes it real, how does he say it, even to himself. He sucks in a breath, his chest feeling tight.]
[Her fingers, calloused and dotted with smooth pockmark burns, curl carefully around him, Lup's grip on Taako firm. It's always firm, grounding him to her, never letting her heart wonder where she was. Even while they'd been apart, separated by hundreds of miles and a long stretch of sandy desert, Lup had felt as connected as ever to her twin, knowing he was waiting for her, the home she would always return to.
Taako mocks her but Lup can't help but scoff back.] You don't have to tell me that.
[Who could know what he meant better? They've never been good people, not after spending over a century thinking of only themselves, not caring if they hurt someone else if it benefited them in the slightest (or, even worse, if they did it just to amuse themselves). What did they ever do to deserve sweet, good-hearted men who adored them? Even sixty-some years into her relationship, even while it's in such a rocky state currently, Lup still has trouble believing it some mornings.]
It's hard to think we actually deserve it sometimes, but it's like I said. [Her hand slips a little, to pick at a loose thread in his shirt. Even if she's said the words before, it never makes it easier.] We're done running. We don't have to make excuses for our crappy pasts or try and fight to keep everyone away. We've been there an' these stupid boys keep comin' right for us. Must see something in us worth it, right?
[Whatever she'd been expecting, even if she'd known it was how he felt, hearing the actual words is so unexpected. Lup lets loose a low, awed whistle. Look what these nerds have reduced them to.]
I mean, like, duh. Glad you finally caught on with what I've known for a million years.
[But she slips forward and presses a kiss to his temple, free hand petting at her twin's long hair.] But if that's how you feel, you gotta own that shit, son. No "I thinks" or "maybes". Taacos don't do shit in halves.
[Even when it's her, part of him feels the need to duck his head away, feeling the tinge of heat at his ears as embarrassment sits in his face. But he doesn't, forces himself still, even as they droop down just a bit to bring the color more out of vision. They've seen a lot together, but they keep finding places they've never been. Lup stepped into love years ago, love for their crew and her husband. For Taako, it's always taken longer to admit. Maybe he feels more, so he stamps it down harder. Maybe, despite being the same for so long, he still doesn't acknowledge those differences that go back so so long.]
Shut up, I don't-- I don't know how to deal with this, okay?
[Processing emotions has never been his strong suit. Least of all processing something like this. This isn't even someone he's known for as long as the Starblaster crew, this is-- someone he's known for a year. A year and a half. And this wasn't even the first time he was thinking about it. It feels like so little and so much all at once.]
Wait, what the fuck do you mean what you've known?
[Well, he's about to get dragged into the goddamn floor.]
Look, I just-- this-- uuuuuuugh.
[He buries his face closer into her, pulling at his hair.]
If I say it to him it gets... permanent. Like, he'll know. How do people deal with that, how the fuck did you deal with that?
[It was only a matter of time before Taako followed her out into this, into love, into opening himself up to the possibility of it.
Into believing that he may actually be worthy of being loved in return.
Her lips linger at his temple, Lup's eyes sliding shut, her body focusing in on their closeness, on every point of their body they aren't touching. She squirms closer to fix that, to fill up those gaps that remain from their years apart. Being this close may not come as naturally easy as it once had, but it's one thing Lup will never grow tired of working towards. For him and only him, she will make the effort.
Lup would usually never waste an opportunity to drag her brother, to dig and prod and poke at him like they've always done so ruthlessly to one another, but his face buries into her, seeking comfort, and she lets her teasing drop. They have forever together. She can rake him across the coals another time. Right now, her brother needs her.]
I mean, you saw how I dealt with it. [Lup might not have really been there to watch his every interaction with Kravitz, but he'd been there for the impossibly slow blossom of love between her and Barry. He'd witnessed every shy glance, every careful dance around one another. He'd gotten his fill of Lup rattling off about the man late at night, overanalyzing his every move, his every word, all the while fiercely denying the love growing there. She hadn't dealt any better than he was, Lup was just lucky enough to have that panic spread over the course of fifty years versus Taako's year and a half.
Back then, they'd had all the time in the world to figure out their feelings. But now, with Hadriel's fickle nature, it often felt like time was against them.
Her fingers twist carefully into her twin's hair, just the loose hair at the bottom of the braid Kravitz fixed for him, tangling them together.]
You don't have to tell him yet, y'know. Sit on that shit awhile. [But - he can probably hear the unspoken words that should come next - Don't wait too long or he may disappear.] Barold an' I may not be the poster children on how the fuck love is supposed to work, but... I took my time. And he waited for me.
[She doesn't mean the getting together, she means the actual 'i love yous' which came so much later. He'd known she loved him, of course, everyone had after their performance, but the actual words took longer to form at her tongue.]
Kravitz will wait for you, y'know. Forever, probs, cuz that nerd totally has it bad for you.
[He relishes in the fact that she curls into him. As much as he still runs from her, tries to justify himself, she's always there to protect him from the world. Sometimes, for all of the ways Taako tries to make himself larger than life, it's a kind thing to get to be small.
He breathes steady breaths, chests close, his hands finally moving from being so pressed into himself to rest around and over her as he listens to her words. She's right. She's good at being right about this sort of thing. Taako's horrible with change, especially emotional shifts that are so, so sudden. Dealing with this just feels impossible. Insurmountable. Admitting he himself has changed emotionally is even worse.
How does he approach that, everything he's ever known, and push it aside for one man?]
... Been thinkin' about it for a while.
[It's a begrudging admission, one he hates even admitting to himself. But that's the first step, right? If it can count as a step at all.]
After he. Y'know. When the Null came through.
[When Taako realized he could lose him. When there were stakes. Which is just what she's talking about now, because he might disappear. Hell, Taako might disappear. And what if the world doesn't go this way? What if it just-- doesn't work out?]
... He like, depends on me. He'd give up everything, and I. It's stupid, because how could I not want that? I have this incredibly attractive and powerful dude at my beck and call and I don't want him to do that? How fucked up.
[Another sigh.]
He's gonna find out I can't-- support him like that, you know? When's he gonna get tired and find out I'm... me.
[Lup's not being completely flippant when she tells her brother she's already known for months now. But how could she not see it? The way her brother holds himself around Kravitz, the lingering glances, the brushes of touch. The soft, but undeniable trust built up there between them, that Kravitz has never once taken advantage of. Taako has it bad, even if he isn't as willing to talk through his overwhelming feelings with Lup like she'd done a million times over with him, but he's always kept those kind of emotions a little closer to the chest than she's been able to.
All of those years apart doesn't make it easier either.
But at least she gets this admission, quiet and thoughtful and frightened as it is, her brother pressed closed and whispering his feelings to her alone.]
I know I'm the last elf to ever be saying this - [nearly fifty years of slowburn was built on this exactly] - but I think you may be overthinkin' things, sweetheart.
He'll never know you like I know you, like we know each other, but Kravitz already knows who you are. He's had your number the last friggin' year. That guy doesn't expect shit from you that you aren't ready for. He'd never ask for you to give up or change who you are or anything like that. He just wants to be with your surly ass and have the chance to like, love you.
[Lup reaches up to brush the bangs from Taako's face, leaning in close to press a kiss to his matching nose. He may be panicking, but Lup's smile is reassuring and surprisingly soft.]
[It's less that he isn't willing to talk about it with her-- the fact he's talking at all, and only to her, is important-- but he just doesn't have the words. He doesn't know what to say. For Taako, who tries to know himself to bullshit even harder, he doesn't know how to even describe these feelings.
But he listens, doesn't move, stays close. And finally, when she comes in close to his nose, he looks up and into her eyes. It takes him a moment where he opens his mouth to speak and hesitates. And then, tries again.]
... Yeah. Yeah, I...
[Taako feels like he's being choked, like his heart's going to thrum out of his chest. How does he deal with this. How does anyone deal with this.]
You... know I've never been good at that. Letting people get... close, and.
[And care about you, he thinks, because if people really gave a shit they'd stick around, right, and it's only been her, but Kravitz keeps coming back and trying so hard and all Taako has ever done is make it harder and harder and harder.]
I don't want to lose him. And I could, and. Ugh, I feel like a fucking idiot. He'd probably just laugh at me if I said this, except no he wouldn't, he'd do something fuckin' sweet like hug me and I'd just die immediately.
[Lup reaches up to tuck a piece of her brother's hair behind his long ear, her smile uncharacteristically soft, as if she's trying to tamper down on her usual all-knowing sharpness. It doesn't completely succeed, but the warm love in her gaze for her twin makes up for it.]
Oh, I know, nerd. Maybe we should put Kravitz through the whole Starblaster experience. Make him move in with us, force him to interact with Merle an' Mango an' Barold all day, every day for like ten years straight. Then we'll see where you stand.
[Hard to not let folks in after that experience. Lup and Taako know that best from experience.
It feels like Lup is all teasing, but that's only because she finally gets to experience what it feels like on the other side of this, where she gets to watch her brother pine like the useless gay he is, for as long as he possibly can get away with it. Lucky for him, this is exactly what sisters are for. She won't let him waste away in his feelings for fifty years. Instead, she's going to bully her sibling into doing all of the things he absolutely doesn't want to. Like telling his boyfriend of a year just how very into him he is.]
You don't wanna lose him, so then put up a little fight. You can't have it both ways, son. There's just no way to keep the guy at arms length and keep him close. So fuckin' act like the greatest damn wizard to ever live, grow a pair, and go smooch your bee-eef's brains out already.
- Or do I gotta play the role of Taako this evening and confess your undying love for the dead man for you?
[Gods, the thought of him moving in, of being that close, makes his heart seize somewhere. It's not like Kravitz hasn't seen any aspect of Taako he leaves in his house, the messy mornings, the long limbed stretches where he takes up the entire couch, the days he doesn't do his hair and makeup and just stays in with a book. But she's right. He can't keep-- keeping Kravitz away. If he's ever going to lose him, it'll be because he doesn't know enough.
And oof, that's-- eugh. A lot, frankly. But there's only so long you can run from anything before you teeter off an edge.
At least a bit of it breaks when she makes the last suggestion and he immediately makes a face that's one part scared one part horrified and shoves his hands into her stomach.]
Oh my god, no, fuck off. I don't even think you could, he's gotten like, good at telling us apart, which is a whole other thing, honestly.
[Another thing that means a lot to him. That he can bother to see Taako, that while Lup has Barry he has something in turn that's his.]
I just kinda thought this was gonna be it, y'know? Like, are normal dudes like this? You tell them you're gonna stab them and they just smile at you?? Did we pick, uh, fuckin' crazies or what?
[He still isn't gonna make like... a day of it. It might not even be soon. But it's in his head, something he'll think about every time their hands meet as time climbs on.]
[Lup only laughs at the shove, hands already flying to Taako's side, calloused fingertips dancing up along his middle to tickle him wickedly in retaliation. It feels good, better, to be like this. Pressing close to one another and laughing, feeling their hearts lift as one together. Taako can take things with Kravitz at his own pace, but if he needs a little shove in the right direction, Lup is there to guide him.]
Don't even, Taako! You know I won't be able to resist a challenge like that! You're just askin' for me to bring my A-game an' get bone boy to eat outta the palm of my hand. Don't think I won't!
[Cause she will. Oh boy, will Lup ever.]
An' c'mon, boys are weird. You know this. We're hot enough that most of 'em will do anythin' we ask. Barry an' Krav aren't that crazy, just devoted. [Or whipped. Either or.]
Good friggin' luck! Your imitation of me is so shit, he'd see right through it.
[They breathe out in unison, catching themselves after all of that laughter, Lup's breath coming out in a soft wheeze. She catches the timed rise of their shoulders and smiles, softer but still as infectiously happy, the tension she'd had along her shoulders when she first walked into their room completely gone.]
I know, babe. I know. Just sit on it, alright? No one's gonna push you to do shit. Just think on it. Don't keep pushin' that shit away. Give it some proper thought. [And with her hands clasped in his, Lup can't do much but lean forward, pressing a peck of a kiss to his nose, teasing.]
You have like, a month before I start perfectin' my Taako.
[Look who's talking! They are both messes. Complete, beautiful messes. But at least they can be messy together.]
Right? How gay is that?
[But Lup can sense the shift in her twin's tone, the way he wants to leave this conversation as is and move on. She knows that he'll give what she's said today some real thought, and if he's still struggling over the next month or so, they can revisit this topic. Together.
Without much warning, Lup sweeps in and presses a quick, slightly messy kiss to Taako's cheek, before she's untangling herself from him, leaving only a single hand twined with his which she tugs forward.]
Gods, you are such a mess without me. How do you even manage without my gorg face here to guide you? C'mon, babe, it's time to chow down.
[Hand in hand, Lup guides her twin out of their bedroom, pausing in her stride only to shoot him a grin from over her shoulder. Whatever happens next, whatever steps Taako chooses to take or not, she'll always be right here at his side, supporting him to the end.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
They can make it through this together, as long as nothing separates them again.]
You look like shit.
[Lup doesn't pull any punches, so rarely ever does, even with him. But it's true and that's what worries her. Taako can make himself look refreshed and beautiful with a wave of his hand. What reason does he ever have to look like this unless something's happened?]
What happened? We can talk about my shit later, first I wanna know what's eatin' you. Talk to me, Koko.
no subject
Just, fuckin'-- lich crap. Be careful, might still be goin' around. Fear, I think, so y'know that went super well.
[He takes a breath, tries to flush out those coping mechanisms. It's her. It's her and he can be honest and he can relax.]
There was this... sickness going around, like, a literal illness, but if you got sick you ended up, uh, paranoid as hell? For a couple of days. I think they just made everyone sick instead of it spreading or whatever, I dunno, maybe this is fuckin' funny to them or something.
no subject
But Taako doesn't look broken, just exhausted, like he's momentarily just given up fighting. So Lup manages to keep from flying out of their room to set the whole city aflame, her attention shifting back to her brother. He needs her and she's not about to leave. Not again.]
Fear can go sit an' spin. Fuck him.
[Whatever Taako wants from her, Lup slips forward, squeezing her way up next to her twin on his bed before her arms wrap around his middle and drag him back down against the pillows with her. Forced cuddling time. Don't fight her, Taako. This is as much for Lup as it is for him.]
So what happened? You think Mags was after our spice stash?
no subject
Yeah, he can fuck right off.
[He sighs, forcing himself to speak, knowing it'll make him feel better but every guarding aspect thinking this is the end of the world.]
No, it was fuckin'... it was stupid, I... I thought I was gonna forget again.
[Talk to her, talk to her, don't fall back into your bullshit, talk to her--]
I... I got scared that everyone was going to bring me back to the Voidfish or to Lucretia and that I was gonna go back to how I was. When I didn't remember you.
... And I might've thunderwaved Barry. Just a little. Shit.
no subject
Good luck dating while she's around.
Lup's long legs twine with his as her head hits the pillow, wrapping her twin up while he explains himself a little further. Whatever happened was bad enough to shake Taako, so she's here to hold him together until he feels strong enough to take back over.
Though there's no hiding the way her grip around the man tightens at the mention of him forgetting again. Forgetting her.]
Shit. That's fucked, 'Ko. [Her chin tips forward, face nuzzling affectionately into his hair, letting his familiar smell and warmth keep Lup steady.] But I'm tryin' to hit that, so can you keep your magic off that sweet denim-clad ass? It's been actual months since I've got laid. Don't do me dirty when I'm so close to the promised land.
[But even as she teases to try and lift the tense mood lingering so heavily in their room, one of Lup's hands finds Taako's, pressing her palm against his, curling their fingers together. Her voice drops to a whisper, words meant for only him.]
I'd never let that happen again, Taako. You know that. Lucretia isn't here and no one is ever gonna touch you. 'Specially not her. [Lup presses a quick kiss against his temple, falling into a brief silence, before she's pulling away just enough to angle herself so she can see his face. There's something there, twin intuition, that she can feel just beneath the surface, something more.]
But that's not what's eating you up, is it?
no subject
Lup looks down at him, and he looks up at her, face still kind of blank.]
... Ugh, no, not really.
[He doesn't let go of her hands, but he does shift a bit so he can look at her point blank, even if his eyes look away and back as he speaks.]
So, I was kinda, kinda messed up right? And wouldn't you know, it, uh, it wasn't Barry who got me to stop, it was, uh... Krav? Kind of?
[His shoulders peek upward, neck pushing down like he's trying to crawl into his own torso.]
He just looked... like, like I threatened him at staffpoint and he just smiled. He was just happy to see me. Thought I was gone. He... he's the one who got me to stop. Brought me back to his place. I think I crashed for like fourteen fuckin' hours.
[Lup can probably feel, pressed so close, that his pulse is picking up. Could be fear. Could be something else. He tilts his head back to look at where his braided hair falls over his waist.]
He redid my hair while I was asleep. I fuckin'... threatened his life and he smiled.
no subject
And if Lup hadn't met Barry, she might have been content to keep doing just that. But Barry was sensitive and emotional and actually liked to talk. All things Lup had to learn to become more comfortable with once they got together. He may respect her stubborn streak in not wanting to talk about certain things, but it's gotten considerably easier for her over the years to open up. Especially now, after a dozen years apart, after a decade of having no one to speak to. Lup still feels starved for conversation.
So really, that's all the elven woman needs to hear from her brother for things to click right into place. She'd been there, what feels a lifetime before, but her slow, half-century long progression had inched along while Taako's seems to have just slammed into him out of nowhere. But she gets it.
Lup doesn't let go of him, but her eyes do trail over to following his gaze, where it falls upon his long braid, before she's meeting his eyes again.]
Fuck, hun. You're there, aren't you?
[Even if Taako hasn't told her, Lup knows how bad Kravitz has it for her brother. He's just like Barry, can't keep from looking their way without hearts in their eyes. Kravitz loves him. That's as obvious as anything.
But for all of her teasing and how much she knew Taako was into the man back, she's a little surprised he's hit the big L back so fast. Something flutters anxiously in her belly while she waits for his response.]
no subject
His eyes dart away for a moment on reflex, biting his lip, hesitant. It's less about admitting it to her, and more about admitting it to himself, even though it's been knocking around in his head for months now.]
Look, not-- not everyone can be your forty seven year slowburn, alright.
[He mocks, but Taako has no doubt that if he had met Kravitz back on that mission, he wouldn't have been able to get this close this fast. It took them a long time to start trusting anyone on that ship, let alone coming to love them. But he's grown. They both have.
He doesn't know what this means for him, but something in him still aches. Taako forces himself to meet Lup's gaze again.]
I just... it's fucked up, right? That he still... he's seen so much shit and he still wants to stick around.
[If he says it, it makes it real, if he says it, it makes it real, how does he say it, even to himself. He sucks in a breath, his chest feeling tight.]
I don't know if I. It's. I think I love him?
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Taako mocks her but Lup can't help but scoff back.] You don't have to tell me that.
[Who could know what he meant better? They've never been good people, not after spending over a century thinking of only themselves, not caring if they hurt someone else if it benefited them in the slightest (or, even worse, if they did it just to amuse themselves). What did they ever do to deserve sweet, good-hearted men who adored them? Even sixty-some years into her relationship, even while it's in such a rocky state currently, Lup still has trouble believing it some mornings.]
It's hard to think we actually deserve it sometimes, but it's like I said. [Her hand slips a little, to pick at a loose thread in his shirt. Even if she's said the words before, it never makes it easier.] We're done running. We don't have to make excuses for our crappy pasts or try and fight to keep everyone away. We've been there an' these stupid boys keep comin' right for us. Must see something in us worth it, right?
[Whatever she'd been expecting, even if she'd known it was how he felt, hearing the actual words is so unexpected. Lup lets loose a low, awed whistle. Look what these nerds have reduced them to.]
I mean, like, duh. Glad you finally caught on with what I've known for a million years.
[But she slips forward and presses a kiss to his temple, free hand petting at her twin's long hair.] But if that's how you feel, you gotta own that shit, son. No "I thinks" or "maybes". Taacos don't do shit in halves.
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Shut up, I don't-- I don't know how to deal with this, okay?
[Processing emotions has never been his strong suit. Least of all processing something like this. This isn't even someone he's known for as long as the Starblaster crew, this is-- someone he's known for a year. A year and a half. And this wasn't even the first time he was thinking about it. It feels like so little and so much all at once.]
Wait, what the fuck do you mean what you've known?
[Well, he's about to get dragged into the goddamn floor.]
Look, I just-- this-- uuuuuuugh.
[He buries his face closer into her, pulling at his hair.]
If I say it to him it gets... permanent. Like, he'll know. How do people deal with that, how the fuck did you deal with that?
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Into believing that he may actually be worthy of being loved in return.
Her lips linger at his temple, Lup's eyes sliding shut, her body focusing in on their closeness, on every point of their body they aren't touching. She squirms closer to fix that, to fill up those gaps that remain from their years apart. Being this close may not come as naturally easy as it once had, but it's one thing Lup will never grow tired of working towards. For him and only him, she will make the effort.
Lup would usually never waste an opportunity to drag her brother, to dig and prod and poke at him like they've always done so ruthlessly to one another, but his face buries into her, seeking comfort, and she lets her teasing drop. They have forever together. She can rake him across the coals another time. Right now, her brother needs her.]
I mean, you saw how I dealt with it. [Lup might not have really been there to watch his every interaction with Kravitz, but he'd been there for the impossibly slow blossom of love between her and Barry. He'd witnessed every shy glance, every careful dance around one another. He'd gotten his fill of Lup rattling off about the man late at night, overanalyzing his every move, his every word, all the while fiercely denying the love growing there. She hadn't dealt any better than he was, Lup was just lucky enough to have that panic spread over the course of fifty years versus Taako's year and a half.
Back then, they'd had all the time in the world to figure out their feelings. But now, with Hadriel's fickle nature, it often felt like time was against them.
Her fingers twist carefully into her twin's hair, just the loose hair at the bottom of the braid Kravitz fixed for him, tangling them together.]
You don't have to tell him yet, y'know. Sit on that shit awhile. [But - he can probably hear the unspoken words that should come next - Don't wait too long or he may disappear.] Barold an' I may not be the poster children on how the fuck love is supposed to work, but... I took my time. And he waited for me.
[She doesn't mean the getting together, she means the actual 'i love yous' which came so much later. He'd known she loved him, of course, everyone had after their performance, but the actual words took longer to form at her tongue.]
Kravitz will wait for you, y'know. Forever, probs, cuz that nerd totally has it bad for you.
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He breathes steady breaths, chests close, his hands finally moving from being so pressed into himself to rest around and over her as he listens to her words. She's right. She's good at being right about this sort of thing. Taako's horrible with change, especially emotional shifts that are so, so sudden. Dealing with this just feels impossible. Insurmountable. Admitting he himself has changed emotionally is even worse.
How does he approach that, everything he's ever known, and push it aside for one man?]
... Been thinkin' about it for a while.
[It's a begrudging admission, one he hates even admitting to himself. But that's the first step, right? If it can count as a step at all.]
After he. Y'know. When the Null came through.
[When Taako realized he could lose him. When there were stakes. Which is just what she's talking about now, because he might disappear. Hell, Taako might disappear. And what if the world doesn't go this way? What if it just-- doesn't work out?]
... He like, depends on me. He'd give up everything, and I. It's stupid, because how could I not want that? I have this incredibly attractive and powerful dude at my beck and call and I don't want him to do that? How fucked up.
[Another sigh.]
He's gonna find out I can't-- support him like that, you know? When's he gonna get tired and find out I'm... me.
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All of those years apart doesn't make it easier either.
But at least she gets this admission, quiet and thoughtful and frightened as it is, her brother pressed closed and whispering his feelings to her alone.]
I know I'm the last elf to ever be saying this - [nearly fifty years of slowburn was built on this exactly] - but I think you may be overthinkin' things, sweetheart.
He'll never know you like I know you, like we know each other, but Kravitz already knows who you are. He's had your number the last friggin' year. That guy doesn't expect shit from you that you aren't ready for. He'd never ask for you to give up or change who you are or anything like that. He just wants to be with your surly ass and have the chance to like, love you.
[Lup reaches up to brush the bangs from Taako's face, leaning in close to press a kiss to his matching nose. He may be panicking, but Lup's smile is reassuring and surprisingly soft.]
You love him, don't you?
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But he listens, doesn't move, stays close. And finally, when she comes in close to his nose, he looks up and into her eyes. It takes him a moment where he opens his mouth to speak and hesitates. And then, tries again.]
... Yeah. Yeah, I...
[Taako feels like he's being choked, like his heart's going to thrum out of his chest. How does he deal with this. How does anyone deal with this.]
You... know I've never been good at that. Letting people get... close, and.
[And care about you, he thinks, because if people really gave a shit they'd stick around, right, and it's only been her, but Kravitz keeps coming back and trying so hard and all Taako has ever done is make it harder and harder and harder.]
I don't want to lose him. And I could, and. Ugh, I feel like a fucking idiot. He'd probably just laugh at me if I said this, except no he wouldn't, he'd do something fuckin' sweet like hug me and I'd just die immediately.
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Oh, I know, nerd. Maybe we should put Kravitz through the whole Starblaster experience. Make him move in with us, force him to interact with Merle an' Mango an' Barold all day, every day for like ten years straight. Then we'll see where you stand.
[Hard to not let folks in after that experience. Lup and Taako know that best from experience.
It feels like Lup is all teasing, but that's only because she finally gets to experience what it feels like on the other side of this, where she gets to watch her brother pine like the useless gay he is, for as long as he possibly can get away with it. Lucky for him, this is exactly what sisters are for. She won't let him waste away in his feelings for fifty years. Instead, she's going to bully her sibling into doing all of the things he absolutely doesn't want to. Like telling his boyfriend of a year just how very into him he is.]
You don't wanna lose him, so then put up a little fight. You can't have it both ways, son. There's just no way to keep the guy at arms length and keep him close. So fuckin' act like the greatest damn wizard to ever live, grow a pair, and go smooch your bee-eef's brains out already.
- Or do I gotta play the role of Taako this evening and confess your undying love for the dead man for you?
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And oof, that's-- eugh. A lot, frankly. But there's only so long you can run from anything before you teeter off an edge.
At least a bit of it breaks when she makes the last suggestion and he immediately makes a face that's one part scared one part horrified and shoves his hands into her stomach.]
Oh my god, no, fuck off. I don't even think you could, he's gotten like, good at telling us apart, which is a whole other thing, honestly.
[Another thing that means a lot to him. That he can bother to see Taako, that while Lup has Barry he has something in turn that's his.]
I just kinda thought this was gonna be it, y'know? Like, are normal dudes like this? You tell them you're gonna stab them and they just smile at you?? Did we pick, uh, fuckin' crazies or what?
[He still isn't gonna make like... a day of it. It might not even be soon. But it's in his head, something he'll think about every time their hands meet as time climbs on.]
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Don't even, Taako! You know I won't be able to resist a challenge like that! You're just askin' for me to bring my A-game an' get bone boy to eat outta the palm of my hand. Don't think I won't!
[Cause she will. Oh boy, will Lup ever.]
An' c'mon, boys are weird. You know this. We're hot enough that most of 'em will do anythin' we ask. Barry an' Krav aren't that crazy, just devoted. [Or whipped. Either or.]
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Don't you fucking dare, I will seduce Barold so hard, I'd get him out of his jeans before he even knew the diff.
[DON'T TRY HIM, DON'T EVEN START. But he breathes, tries to bring himself down.]
You know I'm not gonna do like, a whole thing, right? I'm not gonna go write him a sonnet or whatever. I'll just like-- I'll think about it.
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[They breathe out in unison, catching themselves after all of that laughter, Lup's breath coming out in a soft wheeze. She catches the timed rise of their shoulders and smiles, softer but still as infectiously happy, the tension she'd had along her shoulders when she first walked into their room completely gone.]
I know, babe. I know. Just sit on it, alright? No one's gonna push you to do shit. Just think on it. Don't keep pushin' that shit away. Give it some proper thought. [And with her hands clasped in his, Lup can't do much but lean forward, pressing a peck of a kiss to his nose, teasing.]
You have like, a month before I start perfectin' my Taako.
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Oh shut up. Don't go ganging up on me. He does enough dumb stupid stuff, obviously.
[He'll have to think of a way to pay it back to him. But not now, not when Lup's back and he's back and he wants to stay exactly right here.]
I can't believe he did my fucking hair. Idiot.
[Taako looks up towards her, finally flipping the braid back over his shoulder.]
You wanna get something to eat? I slept for like, 16 fucking hours. Starvingggg.
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Right? How gay is that?
[But Lup can sense the shift in her twin's tone, the way he wants to leave this conversation as is and move on. She knows that he'll give what she's said today some real thought, and if he's still struggling over the next month or so, they can revisit this topic. Together.
Without much warning, Lup sweeps in and presses a quick, slightly messy kiss to Taako's cheek, before she's untangling herself from him, leaving only a single hand twined with his which she tugs forward.]
Gods, you are such a mess without me. How do you even manage without my gorg face here to guide you? C'mon, babe, it's time to chow down.
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You're the fuckin' mess, you dirt goblin, get off my sheets.
[But he's following after her, not letting go of her hand.]
I haven't cooked in like, days so who knows what's in the fridge, but uh, we'll figure it out, 'kay?
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We always do.