[As amazing a prank as that would be - and definitely one Lup will put away for later - all it takes is the mention of Barry's name for the woman's cool composure to begin to crumble. Her mouth twists painfully into a tight line as her brows scrunch together. To Taako, who knows her better than anyone, it's so very clear how hard she's trying to keep herself together, even as she feels the world falling apart.]
He's gone! [Lup's voice breaks with the word, blinking away the wetness in her eyes. The long line of her shoulders trembles at the effort it takes for her to composed, both of her hands curling at her side.]
He never came home last night. I thought it was just a late night at the lab, but he never came home. And when I went to check in, they hadn't seen him at all yesterday. I don't... He didn't... [She sucks in a sharp breath, shaking her head at the thought. After everything they've been through the last year, after all of the foolish time they'd spent apart instead of together, he just can't -]
But when he sees that, the movement in her mouth, he wastes no time in taking both his hands in hers with a squeeze. Shit. Has Barry-- has Barry ever disappeared like this? He and Lup, sure. Angus, yeah, but-- this is something different. Taako only lost Kravitz for those days because he was dead, and that's hardly an apt comparison when Lup's had him for so much longer.]
Hey, hey. C'mere.
[He brings her in close, one hand still clasped in hers, one arm over her back.]
Look, it's-- you tried to call him, right? We've uh... I mean, we've disappeared.
[Shit, he better not be gone. Gods, he better still be here, still be somewhere-- Taako can't lose more family, not so soon after Magnus. They have to stick together, and their chances of escape get thinner when there's less of them to go around.]
[Taako's familiar hands find hers, wrapping around her protectively, keeping Lup grounded with him, refusing to let her just fly away.]
I did. An' yeah. I know. [Her brother tugs her a little closer and Lup falls into his arms without a second thought, fingers twisting into his night gown. She huffs out a breath then, shuddery and soft and nothing at all like the strong exterior she usually projects. But with him, she's safe.] I know.
[They've both disappeared and come back, twice now, almost to the month a year after the first time. And Angus went home briefly, Magnus too. And they've all come back within the week with the rest of the newcomers to Hadriel, drawn back in by the door with new memories than before, but the same people who left.
But for every person who has left and returned, there's a handful of folks who have simply just gone. Merle, Carey, Magnus three times, Lucretia twice. Sometimes familiar faces come in from a different time period completely, without any of the memories of Hadriel they'd had previously. What if Barry returns just the same as they had, within the week, but he comes in from a different time, without any of what they've been through here. This last year has been awful, full of hurt and regret shaking the very foundation of their relationship to the near breaking point, but since their reconciliation? Having gone through that all and survived? Lup's never felt closer to him and these last few months together have proven just how deep and strong they've become. It's absolutely like falling in love with him all over again.
What if he loses all of that?]
Fuck, I just - [One of her hands releases her brother so she can scrub at her face with the back of her hand, wiping away stray tears.] S'bullshit. All of it. We already did the whole saving the world shit, why can't we just be done?
[It's rare that he's the one holding her up like this, the way she crumples into his arms without a second thought. They've gone through a lot since their arrival, but.. Taako's tended to take the brunt of it. Seeing his sister like this just makes his gut twist, another notch on his continued promise to get the liches who run this city back for this whole ordeal. They're not toys. They matter. And fuck them for making Lup ever feel powerless.
He pets her hair as she talks, keeping his grip on her tight and close.]
No, I know, it's-- ugh, it's fucking crap. I know we know, but it's just...
[He never has the right words here. The trouble with repressing your feelings around a lot of people is that letting them really flow when it matters isn't a simple ask.]
Look. Ango told me that when I was gone you knew I'd be back, right? You knew that. And you know now he's comin' back, okay? If you don't, I do. I've seen this more than anyone, it's just-- he's gonna be back or we're gonna reach through the door and hit him, alright?
[It's the powerlessness that hits her so hard. It feels just like the same crushing despair she felt after the release of the relics, after Cordelia went up in flames, extinguishing the lives of so many innocent people. To have Barry ripped from her like this, outside of their own terms, is just maddening. Especially after their big reunion, after the slow reconciliation that took the better part of a year.
For so long, Lup walked the line of wanting to remain here in Hadriel with their new friends and wanting to return to Faerun, but now, for the first time in a year and a half, all she can think of is getting home again and starting the lives they have on hold there. She's just ready to be done.]
God, the nerd told you that? [She sniffles, tears still welling up in her eyes, but she isn't sobbing, isn't completely breaking down. Not yet. Not when her brother is looking at her like he's so afraid she's going to shatter, trying so desperately to keep her afloat.] Yeah. Yeah, I did. And I... I know it now too. It's just...
[What if he's a different Barry? What if this time they're just wrong?]
[He's got her as close as he can, one hand in hers and the other on her head, as if he can somehow be bigger than all of their problems. It's a stance they've taken so many times, in so many different ways. But he's got her. Of course he's got her.]
Of course he did, he's a nerd. And... y'know, when you were gone, he was helping me handle that too.
[He had the same fears. What if she forgot everything, like Magnus did? What if he was stuck here, died without help, never made it out to her again--
It's a lot. He knows that. But they have to fight for something better.]
It's gonna be okay. We've all got you. Not that you, uh, probably wanna get in bed with Krav or anything, but we can head upstairs. Take our room, yeah?
[If there's anyone across all of the planar systems who could possibly be big enough to hide their problems, Lup knows it's her twin, that he would wrap her up in an instant and keep her hidden from the hurt of the world if he possibly could. It's what makes it so easy for her to lean into his touch, to curl her hands into his shirt and hair, to let her knees go weak and to trust he'll keep her from falling.
Lup hates this. Hates all of this. But she trusts Taako completely, knows he'll keep her safe. Knows his words aren't meant to just as an empty promise. He believes Barry will be back, trusts it with his whole heart. It's difficult for Lup to think otherwise if Taako believes it in so deeply. She wants to trust in his words, wants to follow him blindly just this once.
Just a few more days. Then they'll find out for sure.]
Like it'd be the first time. [Cuddling with Taako and Barry just means that of course Kravitz joins in on occasion. After she'd gotten her body back, it's just become a Thing that happens. They're all so impossibly close.]
I'm glad though. [She'll let him lead her right back into bed with them, where Lup will shed a few silent tears before she holds herself back, struggling to keep herself from breaking, but not before her hand drops against her twin's arm.] Glad Angus was there to help you out. He's a... He's a real good kid.
[He's always got her. He's never going to leave her when she needs it, and if he'll promise anything to anyone, it will always be to her. He's not rigid, but he'll stand tall, let her take all the strength from him she needs.
He moves the hand from her head to around her waist, lead her to bed. Somewhere safe they can retreat.
Taako stays quiet, helping her wipe her face, kissing her on the forehead.]
Yeah, he is. The best.
[They're not alone. They're never alone, they're not cast out from one absence. Remember that, he thinks. Always remember that.]
He's still here, too. With me, and Krav, and everybody else in the city. It's gonna be alright.
[Maybe not cast out, maybe not completely without her family here, but there's a certain ache inside of her chest that feels like utter loneliness, like she'll never feel completely whole again, like she's screaming inside of the Umbrastaff for help and no one can hear her.
Not having Barry here hurts so much more than having him here while they were separated. At least then she knew where he was, knew he was out there hurting too.
Nothing feels like it will be alright, but Lup gives an uncertain nod and allows her brother to drag her back into the bedroom with him, follows Taako without question, letting him take over.]
Yeah. [He wipes her face, kisses her head, wraps her up in safety.] Yeah... I know.
[He always will, an arm around her waist, tucking her head under his chin with a protective hand over the back of her head. But everything's too serious, so he fakes a little shiver with a chuckle.]
Man, what is it with me gettin' in with dead people? I gotta be the body heat guru for everybody in this house. You better snuggle up sis, make sure there's enough to go around.
[He's already thinking of dumb stuff to do for the rest of the day, if he can leave her momentarily with Kravitz to go fix breakfast later, all the little bits he can toss to pass the time. Just a few days. Just a couple more days.]
Yeah, yeah - [she mumbles in return, and just as Taako's tucking her head under his chin, Lup is pressing in closer, breathing in his familiar scent. It's calming to be this close, even if everything feels wrong, to just melt into Taako's arms and pretend that he's the center of her world again.
It's harder to believe these days when there are so many people they'd opened their hearts to, but she has to push aside her hurt somehow. And wrapping herself up in Taako helps.]
Just stay with me, please. Don't wanna be alone right now.
[It's gotta be harder for her, losing someone. Taako's pool of people he can't live without is disastrously small, while Lup found ways to love in all it's splendor without the barriers Taako still suffers from. It's better for her, in the long run. But it makes moments like this cruel and rough ways he can only solve so much.]
Of course not. C'mon babe. How could I ever let you go?
[There's no signs of insincerity in his tone, no jokes to be found. That's just a fact. Lup and Taako. Taako and Lup. Never going to be a single difference.]
I've got you. I've got you even when he comes back. 'Ss not gonna change.
[Lup's always known that no matter what happened, she'd always have her brother. That simple fact had always been such a comfort before, to know that even if the entire universe collapsed in on itself and the stars went black, Taako would always be there for her and she would always be there for them. And for so much of her life, that had been enough.
But now she has Barry, has loved him for nearly a hundred years, and suddenly she's just not sure how the world is still spinning without him.
Taako's right though, she knows it. No matter what happens, she's not alone.]
I know, 'Ko. I know. [At least with Taako wrapped up around her, sleep won't be quite so hard to achieve.] Love you.
[This is it. The quiet moments that matter, the whispered words where he can be as free as he's ever been. He won't say it- this isn't about him- but he gets it. They've got each other, but... there's more now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He's gone! [Lup's voice breaks with the word, blinking away the wetness in her eyes. The long line of her shoulders trembles at the effort it takes for her to composed, both of her hands curling at her side.]
He never came home last night. I thought it was just a late night at the lab, but he never came home. And when I went to check in, they hadn't seen him at all yesterday. I don't... He didn't... [She sucks in a sharp breath, shaking her head at the thought. After everything they've been through the last year, after all of the foolish time they'd spent apart instead of together, he just can't -]
He can't be gone.
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But when he sees that, the movement in her mouth, he wastes no time in taking both his hands in hers with a squeeze. Shit. Has Barry-- has Barry ever disappeared like this? He and Lup, sure. Angus, yeah, but-- this is something different. Taako only lost Kravitz for those days because he was dead, and that's hardly an apt comparison when Lup's had him for so much longer.]
Hey, hey. C'mere.
[He brings her in close, one hand still clasped in hers, one arm over her back.]
Look, it's-- you tried to call him, right? We've uh... I mean, we've disappeared.
[Shit, he better not be gone. Gods, he better still be here, still be somewhere-- Taako can't lose more family, not so soon after Magnus. They have to stick together, and their chances of escape get thinner when there's less of them to go around.]
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I did. An' yeah. I know. [Her brother tugs her a little closer and Lup falls into his arms without a second thought, fingers twisting into his night gown. She huffs out a breath then, shuddery and soft and nothing at all like the strong exterior she usually projects. But with him, she's safe.] I know.
[They've both disappeared and come back, twice now, almost to the month a year after the first time. And Angus went home briefly, Magnus too. And they've all come back within the week with the rest of the newcomers to Hadriel, drawn back in by the door with new memories than before, but the same people who left.
But for every person who has left and returned, there's a handful of folks who have simply just gone. Merle, Carey, Magnus three times, Lucretia twice. Sometimes familiar faces come in from a different time period completely, without any of the memories of Hadriel they'd had previously. What if Barry returns just the same as they had, within the week, but he comes in from a different time, without any of what they've been through here. This last year has been awful, full of hurt and regret shaking the very foundation of their relationship to the near breaking point, but since their reconciliation? Having gone through that all and survived? Lup's never felt closer to him and these last few months together have proven just how deep and strong they've become. It's absolutely like falling in love with him all over again.
What if he loses all of that?]
Fuck, I just - [One of her hands releases her brother so she can scrub at her face with the back of her hand, wiping away stray tears.] S'bullshit. All of it. We already did the whole saving the world shit, why can't we just be done?
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He pets her hair as she talks, keeping his grip on her tight and close.]
No, I know, it's-- ugh, it's fucking crap. I know we know, but it's just...
[He never has the right words here. The trouble with repressing your feelings around a lot of people is that letting them really flow when it matters isn't a simple ask.]
Look. Ango told me that when I was gone you knew I'd be back, right? You knew that. And you know now he's comin' back, okay? If you don't, I do. I've seen this more than anyone, it's just-- he's gonna be back or we're gonna reach through the door and hit him, alright?
no subject
For so long, Lup walked the line of wanting to remain here in Hadriel with their new friends and wanting to return to Faerun, but now, for the first time in a year and a half, all she can think of is getting home again and starting the lives they have on hold there. She's just ready to be done.]
God, the nerd told you that? [She sniffles, tears still welling up in her eyes, but she isn't sobbing, isn't completely breaking down. Not yet. Not when her brother is looking at her like he's so afraid she's going to shatter, trying so desperately to keep her afloat.] Yeah. Yeah, I did. And I... I know it now too. It's just...
[What if he's a different Barry? What if this time they're just wrong?]
Fuck, I know. Nothing to do but fuckin' wait.
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Of course he did, he's a nerd. And... y'know, when you were gone, he was helping me handle that too.
[He had the same fears. What if she forgot everything, like Magnus did? What if he was stuck here, died without help, never made it out to her again--
It's a lot. He knows that. But they have to fight for something better.]
It's gonna be okay. We've all got you. Not that you, uh, probably wanna get in bed with Krav or anything, but we can head upstairs. Take our room, yeah?
no subject
Lup hates this. Hates all of this. But she trusts Taako completely, knows he'll keep her safe. Knows his words aren't meant to just as an empty promise. He believes Barry will be back, trusts it with his whole heart. It's difficult for Lup to think otherwise if Taako believes it in so deeply. She wants to trust in his words, wants to follow him blindly just this once.
Just a few more days. Then they'll find out for sure.]
Like it'd be the first time. [Cuddling with Taako and Barry just means that of course Kravitz joins in on occasion. After she'd gotten her body back, it's just become a Thing that happens. They're all so impossibly close.]
I'm glad though. [She'll let him lead her right back into bed with them, where Lup will shed a few silent tears before she holds herself back, struggling to keep herself from breaking, but not before her hand drops against her twin's arm.] Glad Angus was there to help you out. He's a... He's a real good kid.
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He moves the hand from her head to around her waist, lead her to bed. Somewhere safe they can retreat.
Taako stays quiet, helping her wipe her face, kissing her on the forehead.]
Yeah, he is. The best.
[They're not alone. They're never alone, they're not cast out from one absence. Remember that, he thinks. Always remember that.]
He's still here, too. With me, and Krav, and everybody else in the city. It's gonna be alright.
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Not having Barry here hurts so much more than having him here while they were separated. At least then she knew where he was, knew he was out there hurting too.
Nothing feels like it will be alright, but Lup gives an uncertain nod and allows her brother to drag her back into the bedroom with him, follows Taako without question, letting him take over.]
Yeah. [He wipes her face, kisses her head, wraps her up in safety.] Yeah... I know.
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Man, what is it with me gettin' in with dead people? I gotta be the body heat guru for everybody in this house. You better snuggle up sis, make sure there's enough to go around.
[He's already thinking of dumb stuff to do for the rest of the day, if he can leave her momentarily with Kravitz to go fix breakfast later, all the little bits he can toss to pass the time. Just a few days. Just a couple more days.]
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It's harder to believe these days when there are so many people they'd opened their hearts to, but she has to push aside her hurt somehow. And wrapping herself up in Taako helps.]
Just stay with me, please. Don't wanna be alone right now.
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Of course not. C'mon babe. How could I ever let you go?
[There's no signs of insincerity in his tone, no jokes to be found. That's just a fact. Lup and Taako. Taako and Lup. Never going to be a single difference.]
I've got you. I've got you even when he comes back. 'Ss not gonna change.
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But now she has Barry, has loved him for nearly a hundred years, and suddenly she's just not sure how the world is still spinning without him.
Taako's right though, she knows it. No matter what happens, she's not alone.]
I know, 'Ko. I know. [At least with Taako wrapped up around her, sleep won't be quite so hard to achieve.] Love you.
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It's better that way.]
Love you too, Lu.