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[It's been ten days exactly since Lup arrived in Hadriel (she is not including that weird ten day-stint in Pleasant Valley, no thanks) and enough is enough. There's still a lingering disconnect in all of the twins' interactions, an off-step between them that Lup can't keep pretending doesn't exist. Taako may be fine with sticking his fingers in his ears and singing instead of addressing the issue directly, but she isn't. There's just too much that she doesn't know.
There's too much about him that she doesn't understand.
It's late into the evening when Lup finally corners her brother in their shared room, the only clue to her arrival the soft click of the door behind her. She'd planned on having this conversation earlier, so much earlier, but sometimes it felt like Taako would pick up on her plan and disappear before she could confront him. Not this time though. She's ready for him.]
So. [Lup stays near the doorway, hands resting on her hips as she eyes her twin from across the room.] It's time for us to talk.
There's too much about him that she doesn't understand.
It's late into the evening when Lup finally corners her brother in their shared room, the only clue to her arrival the soft click of the door behind her. She'd planned on having this conversation earlier, so much earlier, but sometimes it felt like Taako would pick up on her plan and disappear before she could confront him. Not this time though. She's ready for him.]
So. [Lup stays near the doorway, hands resting on her hips as she eyes her twin from across the room.] It's time for us to talk.
do you ever think about how dogs will never know why their parents leave for work every morning?
[Giving Magnus the ability to text was literally the worst conceived thing ever invented, and yet, Taako is the one who has to suffer every goddamn day for it. He climbs to the side of his bed and slams the side of his fist into the wall a few times before responding.]
no
no i do not
especially not NOW
MAGNUS
no
no i do not
especially not NOW
MAGNUS
[Well, she's right about one thing; if she had given him any warning about exactly how serious this was, he would've ran and made an excuse for much longer. It's not that he's trying to avoid being alone with her- there was just nothing to be said. Nothing he would know how to say. Even now, laying on his stomach in his bed pouring over a book, she speaks and his eyes dart once between where he is and the door, trying to determine if he has enough time with blink to make it straight through the wall.
He knows it's because ever since getting back from Pleasant Valley, it's been worse. When she arrived, he really didn't have an answer to the full breadth of it- didn't know what happened after the Conservatory, still fuzzy around the edges of getting to this plane and what split them up. It hurt to think about it, so he didn't. But... well, guess all he needed was another set of memories to knock the real ones somewhere out of hiding. Who knew?
Even now, he sits with the Umbra Staff tucked under his arm. She's right here and he's still mourning her.
God, this is fucked up.
His eyes return to the pages, tucking a little bit of loose hair behind his ear.]
Talk about what, bubbleh? I'm snuggled up with a book, so time's kinda tight here.
He knows it's because ever since getting back from Pleasant Valley, it's been worse. When she arrived, he really didn't have an answer to the full breadth of it- didn't know what happened after the Conservatory, still fuzzy around the edges of getting to this plane and what split them up. It hurt to think about it, so he didn't. But... well, guess all he needed was another set of memories to knock the real ones somewhere out of hiding. Who knew?
Even now, he sits with the Umbra Staff tucked under his arm. She's right here and he's still mourning her.
God, this is fucked up.
His eyes return to the pages, tucking a little bit of loose hair behind his ear.]
Talk about what, bubbleh? I'm snuggled up with a book, so time's kinda tight here.
i can't sleep!!!
insomnia is a real disease that affects millions every day.
or night.
really just whenever a person typically sleeps.
insomnia is a real disease that affects millions every day.
or night.
really just whenever a person typically sleeps.
[When she had first arrived in Hadriel and Taako had brought her to his room, offering her a place to call her own in with him, Lup had taken one look around the messy, cluttered space and knew she was home. Now that they'd had time to make the space into something they could both share, it had been transformed. Just as carelessly messy as before, but now with a vibrant aesthetic that fit their personalities perfectly. Both of their beds hang in the air with magic (the fight over top bunk of their bunkbeds had never been resolved) and it's there where Lup finds Taako now, lounging and paging casually through a book.
The way that Taako's gaze darts quickly to the door upon her arrival doesn't miss Lup's notice.
Nope. Noooope. She is so not okay with any of this.]
You know what I'm talking about! [The more aloof he is, the more Lup fumes.]
I'm sick of pretending that this--[her hands gesture furiously at some unseen force between them]--that this is at all normal for us. [Lup opens her mouth, but abruptly closes it as she quickly crosses the room instead. It only takes her a second to scale the rope ladder leading to Taako's hanging bed before she's plopping roughly down at his side. It's a true test of their magical ability that the bed doesn't shift in the slightest under her less than gentle treatment. Her long legs hang over the side, but she twists to face him.] You know it isn't, Taako. [A hand moves to his book to push it down to the bed, so he has no choice but to look at her now.]
I'm your sister. And this? This is bullshit. I need to know what you're thinking. I need to know what's even happened since...[her voice falters, just momentarily] Well, since you last saw me. Or I last saw you. I don't know! I just need to know something.
The way that Taako's gaze darts quickly to the door upon her arrival doesn't miss Lup's notice.
Nope. Noooope. She is so not okay with any of this.]
You know what I'm talking about! [The more aloof he is, the more Lup fumes.]
I'm sick of pretending that this--[her hands gesture furiously at some unseen force between them]--that this is at all normal for us. [Lup opens her mouth, but abruptly closes it as she quickly crosses the room instead. It only takes her a second to scale the rope ladder leading to Taako's hanging bed before she's plopping roughly down at his side. It's a true test of their magical ability that the bed doesn't shift in the slightest under her less than gentle treatment. Her long legs hang over the side, but she twists to face him.] You know it isn't, Taako. [A hand moves to his book to push it down to the bed, so he has no choice but to look at her now.]
I'm your sister. And this? This is bullshit. I need to know what you're thinking. I need to know what's even happened since...[her voice falters, just momentarily] Well, since you last saw me. Or I last saw you. I don't know! I just need to know something.
[Uuuugh fuck fuck fuck fuck. She always was this kind of person. Never let anything go, let it eat at her until it spurned action. See, Taako knew how to properly stew in his own garbage until eventually it just killed him. But y'know. There's nowhere he can go now. Even if he lept off the bed, tried to make a big show of going for the door, she'd either kick his ass or...
Well, the real problem here is that even if he got away, she'd be hurt. And Taako's not used to having to care about that sort of thing, the emotional responses of other people to the shit he pulls.
The thing is, he should be. He's got so much more experience with her than he thought, ten years without vs two hundred with her by his side. But that ten still feels so important, so much separating the two of them. He remembers he cared. He remembers caring so much. But the feelings are disconnected now, and he's scrambling for purchase on the smooth surface downward into the decisions he's made.
This wouldn't be so bad if he had just said something. But there goes another choice, into the abyss. There goes another failure.
He twists himself into a sitting position, curls his legs up in front of him, but brings the Umbra Staff with him, still tucked into one arm. At least he's looking at her this time.]
I mean... there's a lotta, uh, stuff there. Not really sure you're gonna believe me if I lay it all out. You sure you wanna do that whole cheating thing? Figuring out about your future before you live it? You could make a, uh, a paradox that way.
[It's a last ditch effort. Some acknowledgement that he hears her, that he's listening, but... well, it's the only way he can think of warning her. Less about her own actions, and more about his mistakes.
His mistakes he'll have to lay out bare. His self, he'll have to lay out bare.
God, maybe jumping off the bed is still an option.]
Well, the real problem here is that even if he got away, she'd be hurt. And Taako's not used to having to care about that sort of thing, the emotional responses of other people to the shit he pulls.
The thing is, he should be. He's got so much more experience with her than he thought, ten years without vs two hundred with her by his side. But that ten still feels so important, so much separating the two of them. He remembers he cared. He remembers caring so much. But the feelings are disconnected now, and he's scrambling for purchase on the smooth surface downward into the decisions he's made.
This wouldn't be so bad if he had just said something. But there goes another choice, into the abyss. There goes another failure.
He twists himself into a sitting position, curls his legs up in front of him, but brings the Umbra Staff with him, still tucked into one arm. At least he's looking at her this time.]
I mean... there's a lotta, uh, stuff there. Not really sure you're gonna believe me if I lay it all out. You sure you wanna do that whole cheating thing? Figuring out about your future before you live it? You could make a, uh, a paradox that way.
[It's a last ditch effort. Some acknowledgement that he hears her, that he's listening, but... well, it's the only way he can think of warning her. Less about her own actions, and more about his mistakes.
His mistakes he'll have to lay out bare. His self, he'll have to lay out bare.
God, maybe jumping off the bed is still an option.]
[Lup's eyes narrow as she watches her brother shift to face her, dragging that umbrella of his with him. She can't quite put her finger on why it bothers her so much, maybe it's even the tiniest bit of jealously that he seems more attached to it than to her, but Lup just huffs, frustrated and annoyed but ready to talk.
As he warns her, Lup's foot bounces anxiously, hands twisting into the blanket she's sitting on, unable to fully sit still. She normally needs the space to pace when her emotions are running high like this, to fume and yell and work her raging emotions out of her. But right now she desperately needs to be near Taako instead, to be able to look into his eyes, to reach out and touch him.
To remind him of who she is to him. Because right now, it feels like he's forgotten.]
What the fuck, Taako? [And she's still mad, Lup's anger may flare up and then burn out fast but never that fast, but there's more of a hurt tone to her voice than anything.] Do you really think I wouldn't believe you? We've been through everything together. Our whole lives just... [It's easy to trail off. What pictures does she need to paint that he doesn't already have stuck in his head? He knows better than anyone. Their scrappy childhood, relying on no one but one another for over a hundred years. It had just been them versus the world. Even if things had slowly began to change, why would it ever erase what they were to one another?
After at least a hundred and fifty years together, why would he think he could ever not trust her with something? That's what really hurt.
Maybe this is his way of avoiding telling her he'd moved on too far in his life to need her anymore. Facing The Hunger head on wasn't anywhere near as frightening as thinking those words may fall from his mouth any moment now.
Lup shakes her head and huffs again, unsure of what was coming but unwilling to wait for an answer.]
Just be straight with me. Please.
As he warns her, Lup's foot bounces anxiously, hands twisting into the blanket she's sitting on, unable to fully sit still. She normally needs the space to pace when her emotions are running high like this, to fume and yell and work her raging emotions out of her. But right now she desperately needs to be near Taako instead, to be able to look into his eyes, to reach out and touch him.
To remind him of who she is to him. Because right now, it feels like he's forgotten.]
What the fuck, Taako? [And she's still mad, Lup's anger may flare up and then burn out fast but never that fast, but there's more of a hurt tone to her voice than anything.] Do you really think I wouldn't believe you? We've been through everything together. Our whole lives just... [It's easy to trail off. What pictures does she need to paint that he doesn't already have stuck in his head? He knows better than anyone. Their scrappy childhood, relying on no one but one another for over a hundred years. It had just been them versus the world. Even if things had slowly began to change, why would it ever erase what they were to one another?
After at least a hundred and fifty years together, why would he think he could ever not trust her with something? That's what really hurt.
Maybe this is his way of avoiding telling her he'd moved on too far in his life to need her anymore. Facing The Hunger head on wasn't anywhere near as frightening as thinking those words may fall from his mouth any moment now.
Lup shakes her head and huffs again, unsure of what was coming but unwilling to wait for an answer.]
Just be straight with me. Please.
[She's mad, and he knows it. There's a part of him that's still twisted that wants to lean into it, make her leave, fix this entirely by making her hate him, but the outcome of that eats at the core of his being without him even needing to think of the full implications. He's spent so long thinking about his own survival, his own heart, that even with the realization he had her here all along... he hasn't needed to be this open. She's expected him to. Expected him to come to her of his own volition because why wouldn't he, he's her fucking brother, why is he acting like this.
He sighs, and the air almost shakes.]
So, we got away at the conservatory, right? Didn't get the Light but Magnus got the... the jellyfish. Fisher. Don't forget about that guy 'cause, uh, he comes back to fuck some shit up later.
[He'll get to the Voidfish part later, that's like... that's so much, and chronologically is probably the easiest way to approach this.]
Stuff started getting bad with the Hunger after that. Kinda a blur for me now that it's been so long so I dunno, like, numbers or whatever, but there start being years where everybody dies except for one of us at some point. So, uh, one year we're on like, this really fucked up world where the planes of magic got all screwed up-- like, nobody else lives there because they all died kind of magical fuck-up. And, uh. Somewhere near the end of it you asked me to do you a favor.
[This is probably a good way to like... ease into the emotional intimacy part of this. He's just gonna say her actions. He doesn't have to mention how terrifying they were at the time. How much he still fears for her.]
You said you wanted to have the best day ever, and uh, frankly, I kinda think I blew it outta the park- won't wreck you for that one, 'cause I think I'd still want it to be a surprise. But uh, at the end of the night you said it was for a reason. 'Cause you and Barry had been working on this idea, for a while.
[He's not perfectly looking at her now, picking at a thread on his sheets near his foot.]
You were gonna become liches. Like, I mean, this isn't really a were, anymore, you did-- you wanted an anchor. Something I could give you so you could remember who you were. And then, y'know, cool firey lightshow on a cliffside and suddenly you're all skeleton. So like... now if one of you died, you weren't really dead, all the time. So somebody could take the Starblaster outta there.
[A pause. He tilts his head up towards her, meets her eyes again.]
You sure you're gonna believe me? 'Cause that's like, uh, objectively the least wild thing I'm about to lay on the table from here on out.
He sighs, and the air almost shakes.]
So, we got away at the conservatory, right? Didn't get the Light but Magnus got the... the jellyfish. Fisher. Don't forget about that guy 'cause, uh, he comes back to fuck some shit up later.
[He'll get to the Voidfish part later, that's like... that's so much, and chronologically is probably the easiest way to approach this.]
Stuff started getting bad with the Hunger after that. Kinda a blur for me now that it's been so long so I dunno, like, numbers or whatever, but there start being years where everybody dies except for one of us at some point. So, uh, one year we're on like, this really fucked up world where the planes of magic got all screwed up-- like, nobody else lives there because they all died kind of magical fuck-up. And, uh. Somewhere near the end of it you asked me to do you a favor.
[This is probably a good way to like... ease into the emotional intimacy part of this. He's just gonna say her actions. He doesn't have to mention how terrifying they were at the time. How much he still fears for her.]
You said you wanted to have the best day ever, and uh, frankly, I kinda think I blew it outta the park- won't wreck you for that one, 'cause I think I'd still want it to be a surprise. But uh, at the end of the night you said it was for a reason. 'Cause you and Barry had been working on this idea, for a while.
[He's not perfectly looking at her now, picking at a thread on his sheets near his foot.]
You were gonna become liches. Like, I mean, this isn't really a were, anymore, you did-- you wanted an anchor. Something I could give you so you could remember who you were. And then, y'know, cool firey lightshow on a cliffside and suddenly you're all skeleton. So like... now if one of you died, you weren't really dead, all the time. So somebody could take the Starblaster outta there.
[A pause. He tilts his head up towards her, meets her eyes again.]
You sure you're gonna believe me? 'Cause that's like, uh, objectively the least wild thing I'm about to lay on the table from here on out.
[Try as she might to not interrupt him now that he's finally talking, Lup's pokerface cracks at Taako's mention of cycles going by where only one of them survives. They'd certainly lost one or two of their number during various cycles, and on one particularly awful plane there had been a record-breaking four, but The Hunger had never had the distinct advantage of only facing one of them before. Even Lup, reckless and stupidly brave, flinches at the mention of only one survivor remaining. That could have been everything. Their whole mission they'd been fighting so hard for, all of those worlds crying out from within The Hunger, everything would have just been lost.
Knowing that, what Taako has to say next, as surprising as it is initially, makes complete sense. As her brother shifts to talk about her Best Day Ever, Lup pulls her legs up onto the bed with him, knocking her knees against his, leaning closer. She wants to ask what he did for her, how can she not be curious? But things are moving faster now, no time to focus on the smaller details like that. Because what comes next, well, that's a very big surprise.
Lup lets out a strained, startled laugh to hear her future self is a Lich. Honestly, it sounds so much like the kind of plan she'd come up with, how could she not believe him? If giving up her mortal life meant she could keep their whole team alive and going for as long as they needed to kick The Hunger's ass, there's no doubt in her heart she'd make that small sacrifice. And if it meant she gained tremendous power to fight back with too? That's just a sweet bonus. The only part of the whole plan that really takes her by surprise is Barry's involvement.
Sweet, wonderful, stupid Barry.
It hurts to think of him, even now. Since her arrival, Lup has been very quiet about him. No one's asked how she feels and she's had zero reason to bring it up anyway. She's a grown woman, she isn't dependent on anyone, but his absence still stings in a way she hates. And now to hear he'd gone so far as to become a Lich with her, well. Fuck.
Taako warns her, again, that whatever he has to say is going to go down an even more crazy path and Lup just meets his reluctant gaze with a sigh.]
No, go on. It's...It's a lot, but I want to know. I can't stand to be the only one who doesn't know what happened. [She needs to know why she isn't with Taako in the future. Because what could possibly keep them separated for that long? Especially if she was an unkillable lich.]
Knowing that, what Taako has to say next, as surprising as it is initially, makes complete sense. As her brother shifts to talk about her Best Day Ever, Lup pulls her legs up onto the bed with him, knocking her knees against his, leaning closer. She wants to ask what he did for her, how can she not be curious? But things are moving faster now, no time to focus on the smaller details like that. Because what comes next, well, that's a very big surprise.
Lup lets out a strained, startled laugh to hear her future self is a Lich. Honestly, it sounds so much like the kind of plan she'd come up with, how could she not believe him? If giving up her mortal life meant she could keep their whole team alive and going for as long as they needed to kick The Hunger's ass, there's no doubt in her heart she'd make that small sacrifice. And if it meant she gained tremendous power to fight back with too? That's just a sweet bonus. The only part of the whole plan that really takes her by surprise is Barry's involvement.
Sweet, wonderful, stupid Barry.
It hurts to think of him, even now. Since her arrival, Lup has been very quiet about him. No one's asked how she feels and she's had zero reason to bring it up anyway. She's a grown woman, she isn't dependent on anyone, but his absence still stings in a way she hates. And now to hear he'd gone so far as to become a Lich with her, well. Fuck.
Taako warns her, again, that whatever he has to say is going to go down an even more crazy path and Lup just meets his reluctant gaze with a sigh.]
No, go on. It's...It's a lot, but I want to know. I can't stand to be the only one who doesn't know what happened. [She needs to know why she isn't with Taako in the future. Because what could possibly keep them separated for that long? Especially if she was an unkillable lich.]
Edited 2017-08-01 00:28 (UTC)
[She says go, and the last bit of him that hoped she might give up on this is dashed. They can't go back to lying now. He can't go back to pretending this isn't what's happening, because it's not even about Lup now. It's about the realizations he has to face. It's about the lies he's still telling himself, about where she is now. He draws the Umbra Staff just a little tighter. He wants to believe. He wants to.]
Well, it... everything keeps going tits-up for a while. Hunger's getting stronger, we're getting wrecked, the usual. It sucks. Anyway, we hit this world where like... it's all about making magical items, basically? And uh, you and Barry got another idea.
[He needs to phrase this like it happened. No emotional response, none of his opinions. Keep it clear. He'll... talk about the staff later.]
You thought, uhm... you thought that if we used the magic from that place to split the Light up, the Hunger wouldn't be able to find it. So if we hid it in these items, before the Hunger found us, it never would. We could just hide these massively powerful whatevers and people could use 'em and fuck themselves up, uh, 'cause Barry said they'd have to be used, but it'd be whatever because, you know, the whole thing at least wouldn't have been taken over by the tentacle death zone. Like, what could we do that's worse than the Hunger, right? But uh, we put it to a vote 'cause...
[He feels the anger already pulsing behind his chest, and bats it down. Talk. Just talk. She hasn't done it yet, here. She hasn't done it yet, where they are now. He grits her name through his teeth, unable to hold himself without judgement for just a moment.]
... Lucretia didn't want to. She said she could, uh, put a barrier around, keep the Hunger out, but she lost the vote because it was a stupid idea. So it took a couple more cycles, and uh, we did it. Got the Light on like, day two. Split it up all nice into these relics and hid these things all over the place, and... it worked. Hunger didn't show. And the world was like, almost the same as home. Felt like it could be, if we could let it. But that sort of assumes that our lives aren't a constant dick show, so.
[So here comes the fuckening, basically. He sucks in one more breath.]
Barry wasn't fucking around when he said the relics would want to be used. Took a little under a year but... started a war. Massive one that took over the whole planet. We'd... I made a stone that lets you transmute anything and a fuckin' kid found it. Turned her entire town into candy. Three seconds. Thousands dead.
[Can he even tell her about hers? He... he has to, doesn't he? He's not looking at her, but they're still touching, just barely, at the knees.]
You... you thought it was gonna be easier to just, make something that was just destruction, no, no messy shit, no unexpected garbage. Just fire. It leveled whole towns, just, burned up the entire thing into a circle of black glass. And it... we all tried to get over it, to not just, not care, but it was messing you up. We couldn't stop it, 'cause if we did the Hunger would find us, but you...
[His voice is shaking. God, why can't he make this stop. His hands are curled into fists, punched into the bedding, body taut with tension.]
You left, Lup. You just disappeared, left a note that said "back soon" on the kitchen table. You didn't tell anyone where you were going and I never fucking saw you again.
Well, it... everything keeps going tits-up for a while. Hunger's getting stronger, we're getting wrecked, the usual. It sucks. Anyway, we hit this world where like... it's all about making magical items, basically? And uh, you and Barry got another idea.
[He needs to phrase this like it happened. No emotional response, none of his opinions. Keep it clear. He'll... talk about the staff later.]
You thought, uhm... you thought that if we used the magic from that place to split the Light up, the Hunger wouldn't be able to find it. So if we hid it in these items, before the Hunger found us, it never would. We could just hide these massively powerful whatevers and people could use 'em and fuck themselves up, uh, 'cause Barry said they'd have to be used, but it'd be whatever because, you know, the whole thing at least wouldn't have been taken over by the tentacle death zone. Like, what could we do that's worse than the Hunger, right? But uh, we put it to a vote 'cause...
[He feels the anger already pulsing behind his chest, and bats it down. Talk. Just talk. She hasn't done it yet, here. She hasn't done it yet, where they are now. He grits her name through his teeth, unable to hold himself without judgement for just a moment.]
... Lucretia didn't want to. She said she could, uh, put a barrier around, keep the Hunger out, but she lost the vote because it was a stupid idea. So it took a couple more cycles, and uh, we did it. Got the Light on like, day two. Split it up all nice into these relics and hid these things all over the place, and... it worked. Hunger didn't show. And the world was like, almost the same as home. Felt like it could be, if we could let it. But that sort of assumes that our lives aren't a constant dick show, so.
[So here comes the fuckening, basically. He sucks in one more breath.]
Barry wasn't fucking around when he said the relics would want to be used. Took a little under a year but... started a war. Massive one that took over the whole planet. We'd... I made a stone that lets you transmute anything and a fuckin' kid found it. Turned her entire town into candy. Three seconds. Thousands dead.
[Can he even tell her about hers? He... he has to, doesn't he? He's not looking at her, but they're still touching, just barely, at the knees.]
You... you thought it was gonna be easier to just, make something that was just destruction, no, no messy shit, no unexpected garbage. Just fire. It leveled whole towns, just, burned up the entire thing into a circle of black glass. And it... we all tried to get over it, to not just, not care, but it was messing you up. We couldn't stop it, 'cause if we did the Hunger would find us, but you...
[His voice is shaking. God, why can't he make this stop. His hands are curled into fists, punched into the bedding, body taut with tension.]
You left, Lup. You just disappeared, left a note that said "back soon" on the kitchen table. You didn't tell anyone where you were going and I never fucking saw you again.
i was just thinking about it, ok.
i can think about things.
also if i fantasize about owning a dog i am temporarily distracted from how much i miss steven.
which is still a LOT, by the way.
anyway if i got a dog HERE i could get away with never leaving her at home. i could just take her everywhere.
wait, fuck, unless i got lost in the caves again, it'd be super hard to protect her from all those monsters.
UNLESS...
i can think about things.
also if i fantasize about owning a dog i am temporarily distracted from how much i miss steven.
which is still a LOT, by the way.
anyway if i got a dog HERE i could get away with never leaving her at home. i could just take her everywhere.
wait, fuck, unless i got lost in the caves again, it'd be super hard to protect her from all those monsters.
UNLESS...
[There was just no amount of preparation possible for Lup to get through this conversation. Every single bit of it hits her, hard, twisting around in her gut and making her feel sick. Her idea for the creation of the relics. Hiding the items out among the innocent people of this new plane they'd landed on. Her relic's absolute destruction, leveling whole towns (plural, she notes) in a burst of devastating flame. Her abrupt disappearance, noted only in a two word note left behind in her place.
It was just so much worse than Lup could have predicted. By the end of it, she almost wishes she'd taken Taako up on delaying the conversation till later, but there's no way that any amount of waiting could have made any of this better.]
T-Taako. [Is this all her fault? This seemingly vast distance between them, was it because of her choices? Did Lup keep running ahead, stubbornly charging forward when her brother wasn't ready for these difficult decisions, leaving him behind without even realizing it? Had she even had a discussion about becoming a lich with him or had it already been long decided before she told him?
(The answer, she already knows without asking, is no. Lup would like to think better of herself, but she knows exactly how she gets when she's focused. She's always barreling ahead, single-mindedly towards the finish. It was probably the same exact discussion with Barry, the only difference being that he'd agreed to change with her. With Lup, he had to know, sometimes you had to throw yourself into things or risk being left behind.)
The worst part is that, even if she hasn't lived through this future, Lup can see exactly why she did what she did. She can justify her decisions, her abrupt disappearance. She hates that it makes sense to her, this thing that ripped her apart from her brother and left him behind for ten years without her. Left with with nothing but the pain she'd unintentionally caused.]
Taako, I-I can't... [He isn't looking at her, but Lup can't take her gaze off of him, a hand reaching out to grab his arm. Tightly. They're both shaking now.] I can't take back what I haven't even done, but you know I fucking swear I'd never let anything or anyone get between us again. [An uncomfortable beat before Lup's voice lowers to a whisper,] Even me. Especially me. I... I really fucked up, bud.
It was just so much worse than Lup could have predicted. By the end of it, she almost wishes she'd taken Taako up on delaying the conversation till later, but there's no way that any amount of waiting could have made any of this better.]
T-Taako. [Is this all her fault? This seemingly vast distance between them, was it because of her choices? Did Lup keep running ahead, stubbornly charging forward when her brother wasn't ready for these difficult decisions, leaving him behind without even realizing it? Had she even had a discussion about becoming a lich with him or had it already been long decided before she told him?
(The answer, she already knows without asking, is no. Lup would like to think better of herself, but she knows exactly how she gets when she's focused. She's always barreling ahead, single-mindedly towards the finish. It was probably the same exact discussion with Barry, the only difference being that he'd agreed to change with her. With Lup, he had to know, sometimes you had to throw yourself into things or risk being left behind.)
The worst part is that, even if she hasn't lived through this future, Lup can see exactly why she did what she did. She can justify her decisions, her abrupt disappearance. She hates that it makes sense to her, this thing that ripped her apart from her brother and left him behind for ten years without her. Left with with nothing but the pain she'd unintentionally caused.]
Taako, I-I can't... [He isn't looking at her, but Lup can't take her gaze off of him, a hand reaching out to grab his arm. Tightly. They're both shaking now.] I can't take back what I haven't even done, but you know I fucking swear I'd never let anything or anyone get between us again. [An uncomfortable beat before Lup's voice lowers to a whisper,] Even me. Especially me. I... I really fucked up, bud.
[He takes the lead when she gives it, sliding his hand open just long enough to move to take hers. She thinks it's over. She's already apologizing. He could say he's bitter about her leaving, or how worried he was, but in truth it was just that. He was scared. He was afraid and sick but he should have been able to see it through.
Except, that too, was taken.]
It's not... it's not over, Lup. Don't you think if you'd just up and gone I wouldn't have found you if I could?
[He has to keep going. He can't look quite at her face, but he can look at their hands, clasped together like a lifeline.]
Barry and I looked for you for months. We figured you were trying to get the Gauntlet back, so we just followed the trail of it across the continent, but it never turned up anything. And y'know, we'd have found you. If it wasn't for her.
[He grips her a little tighter, but it's not out of fear. It's anger. It's malice behind his teeth, feeling like fire in his veins, as if he's the one being consumed by the gauntlet's fire when he says her name.]
Lucretia figured out a secret about the Voidfish-- Fisher. That thing. It doesn't have to rebroadcast stuff, but if you drink it's ichor, you remember everything it wiped. And she fed it our mission. She fed it... us, Lup. Barry and I were talking about you and in a second I couldn't even think of who you were.
[Remembering the forgetting is the worst part, because everything feels like a jumble and he's not sure it'll ever be clear. But the sensation of slipping, of trying to think about her as it leaves, as Barry shouts to kill him, please, I can't forget her as everything goes fuzzy around the edges.]
She split us up. Wanted to do her plan and didn't want us interfering. I didn't find anyone again until she wanted us to because she couldn't do it on her own. She brought us back together a year ago to collect the fuckin' relics for her because she couldn't figure it out on her own, because we were the ones who made 'em so they wouldn't control us. The voidfish had a second one and she was able to keep lying by making us think she told us the truth about the war, because she erased that too, so nobody else would fight anymore. She lied about everything, about us making them, she kept Barry off the base entirely, and fuckin'... Davenport didn't remember anything. He couldn't say anything that wasn't his own goddamn name and none of us knew.
[He can't bear to let her go, but he has a free hand so he doesn't have to, lifting the Umbra Staff from where it's tucked in the crook of his arm. He's shaking more than he wants to, but the words are spilling out like a waterfall and he can't stop, even if he wanted to.]
You made this. On the artificing planet, you made this, and disappeared with it. I found it where the Gauntlet was hidden, and I didn't-- I didn't remember you then, I didn't know. This thing absorbs the powers of defeated magic users, and the last time it took in a lich, all that was left was dust, but it's been... it responds, sometimes. Carved your name in the wall a few months ago. But I don't... I don't know if you're alive in there. I don't know if I could get you out.
[He won't let go of it. He won't let go of her. They're both all he has left of her.]
I didn't remember growing up with you, or the mission, that I even knew magic for a while, fuckin' anything. And look, do I, do I like that you just ran off after your relic or whatever, no, but it wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't for her.
[Fuck. God, he's almost crying again, like when he saw her at the coliseum, when he realized he had one more chance. Damnit. Damnit.]
I spent ten fucking years thinking I'd done it by myself, Lup. That there wasn't a single person on any goddamn planet that ever cared about me enough to say so.
Except, that too, was taken.]
It's not... it's not over, Lup. Don't you think if you'd just up and gone I wouldn't have found you if I could?
[He has to keep going. He can't look quite at her face, but he can look at their hands, clasped together like a lifeline.]
Barry and I looked for you for months. We figured you were trying to get the Gauntlet back, so we just followed the trail of it across the continent, but it never turned up anything. And y'know, we'd have found you. If it wasn't for her.
[He grips her a little tighter, but it's not out of fear. It's anger. It's malice behind his teeth, feeling like fire in his veins, as if he's the one being consumed by the gauntlet's fire when he says her name.]
Lucretia figured out a secret about the Voidfish-- Fisher. That thing. It doesn't have to rebroadcast stuff, but if you drink it's ichor, you remember everything it wiped. And she fed it our mission. She fed it... us, Lup. Barry and I were talking about you and in a second I couldn't even think of who you were.
[Remembering the forgetting is the worst part, because everything feels like a jumble and he's not sure it'll ever be clear. But the sensation of slipping, of trying to think about her as it leaves, as Barry shouts to kill him, please, I can't forget her as everything goes fuzzy around the edges.]
She split us up. Wanted to do her plan and didn't want us interfering. I didn't find anyone again until she wanted us to because she couldn't do it on her own. She brought us back together a year ago to collect the fuckin' relics for her because she couldn't figure it out on her own, because we were the ones who made 'em so they wouldn't control us. The voidfish had a second one and she was able to keep lying by making us think she told us the truth about the war, because she erased that too, so nobody else would fight anymore. She lied about everything, about us making them, she kept Barry off the base entirely, and fuckin'... Davenport didn't remember anything. He couldn't say anything that wasn't his own goddamn name and none of us knew.
[He can't bear to let her go, but he has a free hand so he doesn't have to, lifting the Umbra Staff from where it's tucked in the crook of his arm. He's shaking more than he wants to, but the words are spilling out like a waterfall and he can't stop, even if he wanted to.]
You made this. On the artificing planet, you made this, and disappeared with it. I found it where the Gauntlet was hidden, and I didn't-- I didn't remember you then, I didn't know. This thing absorbs the powers of defeated magic users, and the last time it took in a lich, all that was left was dust, but it's been... it responds, sometimes. Carved your name in the wall a few months ago. But I don't... I don't know if you're alive in there. I don't know if I could get you out.
[He won't let go of it. He won't let go of her. They're both all he has left of her.]
I didn't remember growing up with you, or the mission, that I even knew magic for a while, fuckin' anything. And look, do I, do I like that you just ran off after your relic or whatever, no, but it wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't for her.
[Fuck. God, he's almost crying again, like when he saw her at the coliseum, when he realized he had one more chance. Damnit. Damnit.]
I spent ten fucking years thinking I'd done it by myself, Lup. That there wasn't a single person on any goddamn planet that ever cared about me enough to say so.
[Lup had thought that her disappearing with nothing but a note left behind would be the worst thing that could have possibly happened to Taako in the time between where they both came into Hadriel from. But this is just so, so much worse.
Yet at the same time, so many of the puzzle pieces now slide effortlessly into place. Even if Lup would have left, even if something had happened to prevent her from coming back, Taako would have found her. There's no doubt in her heart that he would have looked tirelessly until he'd succeeded. Ten years may be nothing in their lifetime, but it's too long a period of time for him (and Barry, her heart drops) to have not found her, even if she had gotten, uh, sucked up into that umbrella, like he was currently implying. If Lup had the power to burn her own name into a wall while trapped inside, she knows she would have caught Taako's attention the second she felt his presence nearby.
Unless, of course, something had kept him from searching. If someone had kept him from hearing her.
It would have been impossible for Lup to not feel the familiar boil of rage under her skin at this crushing betrayal of trust, sparks already dancing dangerously off the fingertips of her free hand, the one not entwined so tightly with Taako's. Lup feels like screaming. She wants to explode and rage and consume the entire world just to make this right, to make the suffering her brother was still so obviously enduring go up in flames. Anything to keep him from breaking down like he was, so close to actual tears, more emotional than she'd seen him since they were children.
Sure, Lup may have started this whole chain of tragedies with the creation of the relics and her abrupt disappearance, but she hadn't been the one to finish it. Lucretia had.
Gods, that truth fucking hurt.
But Lup huffs instead of exploding, breathing out through her nose, attempting to calm down the dangerous energy surging within her. Trying to clear the red from her vision. She's furious and there's no doubt she'll be wasting all of her spell slots blowing shit up after this conversation, but Taako is right there, shaking and nearly sobbing, reaching out to her for once, actually closing the division between them that has felt so gaping wide since her arrival. How could Lup possibly push him aside now just to let herself burn up in anger?
She may have unintentionally taken that path in the past, always so focused forward that sometimes she missed that he needed her, but never fucking again.
It's awkward as hell with the umbrella so tightly in his grasp, but Lup surges forward to wrap her arms around her brother, engulfing him completely and dragging his head to her shoulder. They are both a mess, shaking and wrought with emotions that neither can really put into words, but her fingers curl into his shirt and his hair and there's just no way she's letting go of him now. Taako may not cry, but Lup does, the combination of her suppressed anger and way he made her heart ache just enough to leave her eyes prickling with tears.
What can she even say? What is there even left to be said? For once, no stupid jokes are sitting on the tip of her tongue. Everything is just too raw.]
I'm here, Taako. I'm just... I'm here.
Yet at the same time, so many of the puzzle pieces now slide effortlessly into place. Even if Lup would have left, even if something had happened to prevent her from coming back, Taako would have found her. There's no doubt in her heart that he would have looked tirelessly until he'd succeeded. Ten years may be nothing in their lifetime, but it's too long a period of time for him (and Barry, her heart drops) to have not found her, even if she had gotten, uh, sucked up into that umbrella, like he was currently implying. If Lup had the power to burn her own name into a wall while trapped inside, she knows she would have caught Taako's attention the second she felt his presence nearby.
Unless, of course, something had kept him from searching. If someone had kept him from hearing her.
It would have been impossible for Lup to not feel the familiar boil of rage under her skin at this crushing betrayal of trust, sparks already dancing dangerously off the fingertips of her free hand, the one not entwined so tightly with Taako's. Lup feels like screaming. She wants to explode and rage and consume the entire world just to make this right, to make the suffering her brother was still so obviously enduring go up in flames. Anything to keep him from breaking down like he was, so close to actual tears, more emotional than she'd seen him since they were children.
Sure, Lup may have started this whole chain of tragedies with the creation of the relics and her abrupt disappearance, but she hadn't been the one to finish it. Lucretia had.
Gods, that truth fucking hurt.
But Lup huffs instead of exploding, breathing out through her nose, attempting to calm down the dangerous energy surging within her. Trying to clear the red from her vision. She's furious and there's no doubt she'll be wasting all of her spell slots blowing shit up after this conversation, but Taako is right there, shaking and nearly sobbing, reaching out to her for once, actually closing the division between them that has felt so gaping wide since her arrival. How could Lup possibly push him aside now just to let herself burn up in anger?
She may have unintentionally taken that path in the past, always so focused forward that sometimes she missed that he needed her, but never fucking again.
It's awkward as hell with the umbrella so tightly in his grasp, but Lup surges forward to wrap her arms around her brother, engulfing him completely and dragging his head to her shoulder. They are both a mess, shaking and wrought with emotions that neither can really put into words, but her fingers curl into his shirt and his hair and there's just no way she's letting go of him now. Taako may not cry, but Lup does, the combination of her suppressed anger and way he made her heart ache just enough to leave her eyes prickling with tears.
What can she even say? What is there even left to be said? For once, no stupid jokes are sitting on the tip of her tongue. Everything is just too raw.]
I'm here, Taako. I'm just... I'm here.
mags dont tell me you hold me personally responsible for the loss of your FISH too
hes still like
chillin back on the moonbase
also we could just get you another fish the lake is full of ones that dont suck
also
dont you dare try and find a dog here
i know you
i know you and youll march in here w something with too many teeth and keep calling it a puppy
and i choose LIFE
hes still like
chillin back on the moonbase
also we could just get you another fish the lake is full of ones that dont suck
also
dont you dare try and find a dog here
i know you
i know you and youll march in here w something with too many teeth and keep calling it a puppy
and i choose LIFE
i'm ignoring the part where you implied steven sucks but you better believe i'm bringing that up with you another day.
taako i bet you anything i could tame one of those weird dog guys from the caves.
you have no idea. i am the animal handling MASTER.
i could get one of those dogs eating out of my hands in minutes.
taako i bet you anything i could tame one of those weird dog guys from the caves.
you have no idea. i am the animal handling MASTER.
i could get one of those dogs eating out of my hands in minutes.
[If he's being honest with himself, Taako doesn't remember the last time he had any kind of breakdown, any moment where everything was so spiraled out of control he couldn't think straight, couldn't process a good answer or downplay what he's feeling. Not that he was ever the talkative type or would offer up that information willingly, but it always happened in the same way it's happening now; Lup would find him. Lup would slide up, and she would already know, and that stress was held together, between closed hands, in the quiet places of his life he held most important. He had always wondered, back when things would get rough in those ten years, when he would get overwhelmed and need to retreat somewhere to save face, why he couldn't just handle it. If he'd spent his whole life like that, why he couldn't deal with loneliness, why it wasn't a practiced art.
She erased him. Lucretia, for everything she did or wanted to do, took him from himself by taking him from his other half. He doesn't know if he can forgive her for that, doesn't think he wants to. Is thankful, for just a few moments more, that right now he doesn't have to deal with it. One more thing he can push off for just a few more moments.
He shifts, letting the umbrella push down into his lap so his arms are free, letting them fold in like the rest of him when she grabs. It's the same familiar motion he took in the Coliseum, weeks ago, hands near her collarbones with his head in her shoulder, eyes closed, forgetting the world for as much time as he can steal from it for a few seconds with her by his side.
For the first time in a long time, he's whole.]
See, this is why I didn't wanna say anything. Gonna smudge my look somethin' fierce with this.
[It's weak, not his best. Not even a defense. He just can't let it stay silent and listen to her cry. It'll make him feel like that was his fault, too.]
You could've asked me. To go get the gauntlet with you. I know you haven't done it yet, like, it's pointless for me to even be asking, but... fuck, Lup, c'mon. Like I wouldn't have ditched clown town with you for that.
[Like he wouldn't have ditched them all for anything if she was on the line.]
She erased him. Lucretia, for everything she did or wanted to do, took him from himself by taking him from his other half. He doesn't know if he can forgive her for that, doesn't think he wants to. Is thankful, for just a few moments more, that right now he doesn't have to deal with it. One more thing he can push off for just a few more moments.
He shifts, letting the umbrella push down into his lap so his arms are free, letting them fold in like the rest of him when she grabs. It's the same familiar motion he took in the Coliseum, weeks ago, hands near her collarbones with his head in her shoulder, eyes closed, forgetting the world for as much time as he can steal from it for a few seconds with her by his side.
For the first time in a long time, he's whole.]
See, this is why I didn't wanna say anything. Gonna smudge my look somethin' fierce with this.
[It's weak, not his best. Not even a defense. He just can't let it stay silent and listen to her cry. It'll make him feel like that was his fault, too.]
You could've asked me. To go get the gauntlet with you. I know you haven't done it yet, like, it's pointless for me to even be asking, but... fuck, Lup, c'mon. Like I wouldn't have ditched clown town with you for that.
[Like he wouldn't have ditched them all for anything if she was on the line.]
Edited 2017-08-14 17:53 (UTC)
eating your hand you mean
see you messed up typing there i fixed it for you
because one of those things
would eat you
like look mags some of us (you) have a ton o health to just spend doing stupid bullshit like pit wrestling fake dogs
but others of us (me) dont
so maybe
dont do that
because it will LITERALLY be my ass on the line
see you messed up typing there i fixed it for you
because one of those things
would eat you
like look mags some of us (you) have a ton o health to just spend doing stupid bullshit like pit wrestling fake dogs
but others of us (me) dont
so maybe
dont do that
because it will LITERALLY be my ass on the line
[It's not Taako's best, but Lup laughs anyway, the sound wet and mirthless, the arms encircling him tightening just enough to remind him of just how real she was. It's a silent promise that she's not going anywhere, she's at his side for as long as he'll have her.]
I know, babe. I know. [How can she comfort him regarding something she hasn't even experienced yet? Lup's particular brand of comfort has never been stellar. She throws around jokes and diversions just as much as Taako does for the most part, but this whole thing is so huge and significant and even trying to make jokes while there are tears streaming down her face seems impossible even for her. So Lup leans in and presses a quick kiss to Taako's temple, her chin resting against his hair.]
You know I appreciate you telling me, right? This whole thing is so fucked up, but Taako, I don't care how many years keep us apart, you're always my brother and nothing will ever change that. Talk to me instead of keeping it inside, alright? Don't lock me out.
[Because being forgotten couldn't possibly hurt more than being purposely pushed away.]
I know, babe. I know. [How can she comfort him regarding something she hasn't even experienced yet? Lup's particular brand of comfort has never been stellar. She throws around jokes and diversions just as much as Taako does for the most part, but this whole thing is so huge and significant and even trying to make jokes while there are tears streaming down her face seems impossible even for her. So Lup leans in and presses a quick kiss to Taako's temple, her chin resting against his hair.]
You know I appreciate you telling me, right? This whole thing is so fucked up, but Taako, I don't care how many years keep us apart, you're always my brother and nothing will ever change that. Talk to me instead of keeping it inside, alright? Don't lock me out.
[Because being forgotten couldn't possibly hurt more than being purposely pushed away.]
[ you know what this is. well okay no i guess not. taako may or may not know what this is at all and if he doesn't, he's luckier for it.
but merle is sure sending a blurry-ass photo of it with zero context. ]
but merle is sure sending a blurry-ass photo of it with zero context. ]
[He breathes, and it's shakier than he'd like, still cursing himself for letting her see weakness for the one person he never had to. He's doing this. He's making it worse on the both of them for leaning back on his fake self, kicking his own heart when he's already down.
But still, she makes herself close, whispers to him as he shakes, quick pieces of tangible affection in hands and heads pressed together. He hasn't felt like a kid in so long, because his childhood felt too blurry for 10 years.
Of course, if anyone would come to chase away the fog, it would be her.]
Yeah, trust me, I know how fucked up it is, like, if you needed to remind me of anything it wasn't that.
[He heaves another breath, too heavy against the inside of his chest, letting himself go a little more limp in her arms. He's out of fight to give. Out of barriers to break.]
I just... I don't know, Lup, I don't remember how to talk to people, it's not... it's not you, it's just everything.
[It's everything he is, too scattered, and he just hasn't had time to pick up the pieces between every other catastrophe. He's glad, all of a sudden, that he's not looking at her, and just presses himself a little closer, blinking a few tears from the edge of his vision as he prepares to be more vulnerable than he's been in recent memory.]
I thought you might think I wasn't me anymore. That I wasn't the person you knew.
But still, she makes herself close, whispers to him as he shakes, quick pieces of tangible affection in hands and heads pressed together. He hasn't felt like a kid in so long, because his childhood felt too blurry for 10 years.
Of course, if anyone would come to chase away the fog, it would be her.]
Yeah, trust me, I know how fucked up it is, like, if you needed to remind me of anything it wasn't that.
[He heaves another breath, too heavy against the inside of his chest, letting himself go a little more limp in her arms. He's out of fight to give. Out of barriers to break.]
I just... I don't know, Lup, I don't remember how to talk to people, it's not... it's not you, it's just everything.
[It's everything he is, too scattered, and he just hasn't had time to pick up the pieces between every other catastrophe. He's glad, all of a sudden, that he's not looking at her, and just presses himself a little closer, blinking a few tears from the edge of his vision as he prepares to be more vulnerable than he's been in recent memory.]
I thought you might think I wasn't me anymore. That I wasn't the person you knew.
your ass will be fine, taako.
you shouldn't worry so much! listen. nothing's gonna happen.
you shouldn't worry so much! listen. nothing's gonna happen.
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