[If he's being honest with himself, Taako doesn't remember the last time he had any kind of breakdown, any moment where everything was so spiraled out of control he couldn't think straight, couldn't process a good answer or downplay what he's feeling. Not that he was ever the talkative type or would offer up that information willingly, but it always happened in the same way it's happening now; Lup would find him. Lup would slide up, and she would already know, and that stress was held together, between closed hands, in the quiet places of his life he held most important. He had always wondered, back when things would get rough in those ten years, when he would get overwhelmed and need to retreat somewhere to save face, why he couldn't just handle it. If he'd spent his whole life like that, why he couldn't deal with loneliness, why it wasn't a practiced art.
She erased him. Lucretia, for everything she did or wanted to do, took him from himself by taking him from his other half. He doesn't know if he can forgive her for that, doesn't think he wants to. Is thankful, for just a few moments more, that right now he doesn't have to deal with it. One more thing he can push off for just a few more moments.
He shifts, letting the umbrella push down into his lap so his arms are free, letting them fold in like the rest of him when she grabs. It's the same familiar motion he took in the Coliseum, weeks ago, hands near her collarbones with his head in her shoulder, eyes closed, forgetting the world for as much time as he can steal from it for a few seconds with her by his side.
For the first time in a long time, he's whole.]
See, this is why I didn't wanna say anything. Gonna smudge my look somethin' fierce with this.
[It's weak, not his best. Not even a defense. He just can't let it stay silent and listen to her cry. It'll make him feel like that was his fault, too.]
You could've asked me. To go get the gauntlet with you. I know you haven't done it yet, like, it's pointless for me to even be asking, but... fuck, Lup, c'mon. Like I wouldn't have ditched clown town with you for that.
[Like he wouldn't have ditched them all for anything if she was on the line.]
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She erased him. Lucretia, for everything she did or wanted to do, took him from himself by taking him from his other half. He doesn't know if he can forgive her for that, doesn't think he wants to. Is thankful, for just a few moments more, that right now he doesn't have to deal with it. One more thing he can push off for just a few more moments.
He shifts, letting the umbrella push down into his lap so his arms are free, letting them fold in like the rest of him when she grabs. It's the same familiar motion he took in the Coliseum, weeks ago, hands near her collarbones with his head in her shoulder, eyes closed, forgetting the world for as much time as he can steal from it for a few seconds with her by his side.
For the first time in a long time, he's whole.]
See, this is why I didn't wanna say anything. Gonna smudge my look somethin' fierce with this.
[It's weak, not his best. Not even a defense. He just can't let it stay silent and listen to her cry. It'll make him feel like that was his fault, too.]
You could've asked me. To go get the gauntlet with you. I know you haven't done it yet, like, it's pointless for me to even be asking, but... fuck, Lup, c'mon. Like I wouldn't have ditched clown town with you for that.
[Like he wouldn't have ditched them all for anything if she was on the line.]