[He takes the lead when she gives it, sliding his hand open just long enough to move to take hers. She thinks it's over. She's already apologizing. He could say he's bitter about her leaving, or how worried he was, but in truth it was just that. He was scared. He was afraid and sick but he should have been able to see it through.
Except, that too, was taken.]
It's not... it's not over, Lup. Don't you think if you'd just up and gone I wouldn't have found you if I could?
[He has to keep going. He can't look quite at her face, but he can look at their hands, clasped together like a lifeline.]
Barry and I looked for you for months. We figured you were trying to get the Gauntlet back, so we just followed the trail of it across the continent, but it never turned up anything. And y'know, we'd have found you. If it wasn't for her.
[He grips her a little tighter, but it's not out of fear. It's anger. It's malice behind his teeth, feeling like fire in his veins, as if he's the one being consumed by the gauntlet's fire when he says her name.]
Lucretia figured out a secret about the Voidfish-- Fisher. That thing. It doesn't have to rebroadcast stuff, but if you drink it's ichor, you remember everything it wiped. And she fed it our mission. She fed it... us, Lup. Barry and I were talking about you and in a second I couldn't even think of who you were.
[Remembering the forgetting is the worst part, because everything feels like a jumble and he's not sure it'll ever be clear. But the sensation of slipping, of trying to think about her as it leaves, as Barry shouts to kill him, please, I can't forget her as everything goes fuzzy around the edges.]
She split us up. Wanted to do her plan and didn't want us interfering. I didn't find anyone again until she wanted us to because she couldn't do it on her own. She brought us back together a year ago to collect the fuckin' relics for her because she couldn't figure it out on her own, because we were the ones who made 'em so they wouldn't control us. The voidfish had a second one and she was able to keep lying by making us think she told us the truth about the war, because she erased that too, so nobody else would fight anymore. She lied about everything, about us making them, she kept Barry off the base entirely, and fuckin'... Davenport didn't remember anything. He couldn't say anything that wasn't his own goddamn name and none of us knew.
[He can't bear to let her go, but he has a free hand so he doesn't have to, lifting the Umbra Staff from where it's tucked in the crook of his arm. He's shaking more than he wants to, but the words are spilling out like a waterfall and he can't stop, even if he wanted to.]
You made this. On the artificing planet, you made this, and disappeared with it. I found it where the Gauntlet was hidden, and I didn't-- I didn't remember you then, I didn't know. This thing absorbs the powers of defeated magic users, and the last time it took in a lich, all that was left was dust, but it's been... it responds, sometimes. Carved your name in the wall a few months ago. But I don't... I don't know if you're alive in there. I don't know if I could get you out.
[He won't let go of it. He won't let go of her. They're both all he has left of her.]
I didn't remember growing up with you, or the mission, that I even knew magic for a while, fuckin' anything. And look, do I, do I like that you just ran off after your relic or whatever, no, but it wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't for her.
[Fuck. God, he's almost crying again, like when he saw her at the coliseum, when he realized he had one more chance. Damnit. Damnit.]
I spent ten fucking years thinking I'd done it by myself, Lup. That there wasn't a single person on any goddamn planet that ever cared about me enough to say so.
no subject
Except, that too, was taken.]
It's not... it's not over, Lup. Don't you think if you'd just up and gone I wouldn't have found you if I could?
[He has to keep going. He can't look quite at her face, but he can look at their hands, clasped together like a lifeline.]
Barry and I looked for you for months. We figured you were trying to get the Gauntlet back, so we just followed the trail of it across the continent, but it never turned up anything. And y'know, we'd have found you. If it wasn't for her.
[He grips her a little tighter, but it's not out of fear. It's anger. It's malice behind his teeth, feeling like fire in his veins, as if he's the one being consumed by the gauntlet's fire when he says her name.]
Lucretia figured out a secret about the Voidfish-- Fisher. That thing. It doesn't have to rebroadcast stuff, but if you drink it's ichor, you remember everything it wiped. And she fed it our mission. She fed it... us, Lup. Barry and I were talking about you and in a second I couldn't even think of who you were.
[Remembering the forgetting is the worst part, because everything feels like a jumble and he's not sure it'll ever be clear. But the sensation of slipping, of trying to think about her as it leaves, as Barry shouts to kill him, please, I can't forget her as everything goes fuzzy around the edges.]
She split us up. Wanted to do her plan and didn't want us interfering. I didn't find anyone again until she wanted us to because she couldn't do it on her own. She brought us back together a year ago to collect the fuckin' relics for her because she couldn't figure it out on her own, because we were the ones who made 'em so they wouldn't control us. The voidfish had a second one and she was able to keep lying by making us think she told us the truth about the war, because she erased that too, so nobody else would fight anymore. She lied about everything, about us making them, she kept Barry off the base entirely, and fuckin'... Davenport didn't remember anything. He couldn't say anything that wasn't his own goddamn name and none of us knew.
[He can't bear to let her go, but he has a free hand so he doesn't have to, lifting the Umbra Staff from where it's tucked in the crook of his arm. He's shaking more than he wants to, but the words are spilling out like a waterfall and he can't stop, even if he wanted to.]
You made this. On the artificing planet, you made this, and disappeared with it. I found it where the Gauntlet was hidden, and I didn't-- I didn't remember you then, I didn't know. This thing absorbs the powers of defeated magic users, and the last time it took in a lich, all that was left was dust, but it's been... it responds, sometimes. Carved your name in the wall a few months ago. But I don't... I don't know if you're alive in there. I don't know if I could get you out.
[He won't let go of it. He won't let go of her. They're both all he has left of her.]
I didn't remember growing up with you, or the mission, that I even knew magic for a while, fuckin' anything. And look, do I, do I like that you just ran off after your relic or whatever, no, but it wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't for her.
[Fuck. God, he's almost crying again, like when he saw her at the coliseum, when he realized he had one more chance. Damnit. Damnit.]
I spent ten fucking years thinking I'd done it by myself, Lup. That there wasn't a single person on any goddamn planet that ever cared about me enough to say so.